Chennai In a shocking development last night, 29-year old Sundaralingam from Chennai was hospitalized after he was diagnosed with a serious illness – genuine passion towards his work.
The man’s symptoms were first realized due to the efforts of an uncharacteristically vigilant employee of the Government of India’s(GOI) Central Monitoring System (CMS), which was established for clandestine monitoring of social network posts to gauge the public mood on various issues.
“Prasad (name changed) first got suspicious when he noticed a Facebook post by this fellow welcoming the beginning of a new week with a smiley,” said one of our sources, who is a colleague and close friend of Prasad. “He then reserved extra attention for Lingam, and after following all his updates for nearly two months, Prasad was convinced that something was amiss,” added our source.
Apparently, CMS had escalated this dubious behaviour to the National Investigation Agency (NIA), suspecting that this man was about to be involved in terrorist activities. In another uncharacteristic move, the NIA decided to subject the suspect to a series of medical tests, and concluded that Sundaralingam’s behaviour was not intentional, and it was caused by a medical ailment.
This reporter could not believe that being passionate about one’s job is a medical illness, and insisted to our source that being in a career of one’s passion is an ideal, rather than an anomaly. After all, many of the reporter’s friends claim to love their jobs. Our source challenged this idea, and in a small exercise, asked this reporter to name a few of his friends. A few minutes later, he was able to bring up status updates by every single one of them from various social networks. A few such social updates that were tracked by the CMS were : “YAY!! Friday J”, “Another lazy Sunday afternoon. Why doesn’t time stay still #IfOnly”, “Damn! Another Monday L,” and “Another religious holiday! We need more religions!!”.
Meanwhile, a team of researcher’s from Christian Medical College (CMC), Vellore have suggested that disease could have been caused by a virus which lays dormant for a long time before taking full toll. “We have strong reasons to believe in our theory, and we are in the process of isolating this virus,” said Dr.Rao, a leading Microbiologist from CMC. However, another, more vocal group of rival researchers question if the virus really stays dormant for long, and claim that it takes effect as soon as it enters the body. “We got a chance to look at the patient’s childhood history, medical and otherwise, and realized that as a boy Sundaralingam enjoyed going to school. I mean, what sort of child enjoys school? It totally defies even Shakespeare’s idea of a child, who is ‘the whining school-boy with his satchel; And shining morning face, creeping like a snail; Unwillingly to school,” suggested Dr. Jubain Baby, with an ostentatious display of his grasp of literature. But both groups of researchers conclude that the symptoms are caused by a deadly virus.
Another development is that it is being alleged that lobbyists from various online giants such as Google and Facebook are urging the Indian Government to step in and prevent the spread of this potentially harmful virus, as it would directly affect their major source of revenue. The Health Minister of India, Dr.Harsh Vardhan denied repeated requests for an interview. He however sent out a ten point press bulletin to all news agencies, explaining the steps taken by the Government. The bulletin was largely welcomed, but the sixth point caused a major Twitter outrage. In it, Dr. Harsh Vardhan claims that such viruses are an effect of Western influence on India’s undeniably strong culture. “Ancient Indians always hated their jobs, and made it a point not to work on anything they were passionate about. Our very own Lord Krishna gave up his childhood passions of hanging out with girls and stealing butter to become a chariot driver. Alas, the modern day youth is being corrupted by watching western movies,” claimed Dr.Harsh Vardhan, causing furious and pointless online debates.
It is not yet known if the virus is contagious. However, as a responsible news outlet, Faking News is commited to causing unnecessary panic. As a part of it, we have devised a quick reference guide that will help our readers in case they feel like they are falling in love with their jobs:
- Drink plenty of water. Water has been proven to be a major cause of making people take frequent restroom breaks, thus diverting their concentration from work.
- Remember your appraisal meeting, and play it back word-by-word as soon as the feeling that your job is “not bad after all” starts taking root in your mind.
- Do not obey your boss’s commands. An obedient employee creates a stable work-environment, which is a root cause for people falling in love with their jobs.
- Be in constant touch with social networks. Apart from distracting you from your work, they also facilitate the meeting of other people who hate work, and make you feel validated.
- Like Mr.Narayanamoorty, co-founder of Infosys advices, never stay late at work.
Hate work, stay healthy!