Thursday, 22nd March, 2018

Man gets drunk, calls up Neru to discuss plans to recapture Queen's Landing

16, May 2015 By Debayan

Analysts of a popular car rental company, Neru, were left scrambling for their college notes, when an unprecedented situation arose in front of them. A man, allegedly in his late twenties and having had three pegs more than he could handle, called up Neru’s customer service and discussed in length how he wanted to recapture Queen’s landing.

The man, Mr. Rahul, Naam-Toh-Suna-Hi-Hoga, is reportedly an avid follower of the popular TV series “Khel Kursiiyon Kaa“. When contacted, Rahul did clarify that the contents of this discussion were based on real life incidents that revolved around him winning his alleged ‘girlfriend’ (reports suggest that she’s a confirmed ex now) back.

Cabs called by Rahul to recapture Queen's Landing
Cabs called by Rahul to recapture Queen’s Landing

One of his aunts, after getting this correspondent to swear on Goddess Kali for an oath of secrecy, revealed, “His drinking problems started right after the girl with whom his marriage was fixed, decided to leave him for another guy. Rahul was not able to get a good hike during this year’s appraisal and as a result, this other guy’s CTC stood 30% higher than Rahul’s”

Last heard, the Marketing Analytics team at Neru, were crunching numbers to correlate a person’s drunkenness and relationship status to the probability of them booking a cab for kidnapping or bank robbery. The marketing head at Neru remarked, “Neru means ‘unconditional reliability, always‘ and as we have been saying for the past few days now, ‘Ab Haath Na Hilao‘. Incidents like these just prove the extent to which our customers rely on us to bring an end to their woes of using their hands.”

Acid Phenko, a community of drunkards and scorned lovers, has come out in support of Rahul. They have urged Rahul to include usage of Acid in his plan. Mr. Jhanjar, Chairman and President of Acid Pheko said, “We empathise with Rahul ji. We stand by him and offer to supply him as many acid bottles he requires.”

Recent surveys have found that running people over has emerged out to be the second most preferred activity after getting drunk, pushing acid attacks down to third. Abusing and hitting girlfriends/wives continues to be the numero uno in this category.