Monday, 19th March, 2018

Man found using his tablet for reading, officially declared 'Alien'

13, Apr 2015 By jholu

New Delhi: In a significant discovery, a man has been found in Delhi Metro reading an official-looking pdf file from his Samsung Tablet. In an exclusive investigation from Faking News, it has been revealed that the man, Mr. Gaurav, was taking the metro from Central Secretariat to Kashmere Gate at around 5PM, when he was caught red handed!

One of the co-passengers on the condition of anonymity said, ‘I was standing just beside him, when I saw him staring at a boring white screen on his tablet.. Only then I realized, he was “reading” something! Can you imagine? I immediately informed other passengers and  the police. His act has also been recorded in the CCTV camera”. This act by Mr. Gaurav gains even higher significance in light of a recent survey by SNOCAI (Surveys No One Cares About in India) regarding smart technology usage in the country.

Mr. Gaurav has been arrested for
Mr. Gaurav has been arrested for “reading” something using his tablet.

It has been found that 100% of the people who buy smart phones, tablets, iPhones, iPads etc, on the pretext that they will be using it for educational and official purposes, such as reading official documents, reading classic novels, improving general knowledge, reading newspapers, making presentations(even while sharing pizza with friends and family) etc. etc. have never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever read a single document on it!  The maximum usage has been found in order to improve there access to Porn, (when no one is around) and watching Youtube videos,  uploading selfies, two-fies, group-fies etc. on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and then sending emails to friends etc. with the last line stating ‘sent from my iPad’.

Using Whatsapp some of them also use to ask, if their friends have eaten their regular lunch/dinner etc. A little more younger crowd has used it aptly for learning outdoor sports such as FIFA, EA Cricket etc. Many schools are introducing some of the games for educational purposes. An extraordinary game 2048, trains the brain to sum numbers in multiples of 2. A scientist who co-created this game, Prof. Jholu Srinivasan, from the computer sciences department in IIT Kanpur, said in a telephonic interview to Faking News,  ‘My colleagues in biology department wanted us to make a game which is more sophisticated than ‘counting marbles’, for testing a monkey’s ability to learn addition. And then we came up with the idea of ‘32768’. Here  numbers had to be added in multiples of 2 to make a total of 32768. Although all the monkeys in our labs could do it, some of us found it quite difficult to even make 512. Hence we released a difficult version for humans, called “2048”! “. Another significant game which promotes healthy body image is called ‘Candy Crush’. In an exclusive interview to Faking News, the developer of the game Mr. Chini Bar,  said, “We need our children to avoid eating sweets and sugary food. In fact they should get physical exercise and fresh air! Hence we made this game. This allows the player to shoot candies and hence psychology affects them to hate sugar foods! This is a masterstroke idea to improve our dietary habits (apart from banning some food items using law)!”.

Where as, many such games and other important Apps in the smart devices have made the citizens, truly ‘smart’, but it has been confirmed that not even one person has been found using these devices for “reading” something! Thus, Mr. Gaurav’s dreadful act becomes ‘out of the world’, literally!  Secret services spokesperson Mr. India said invisibly that “Mr. Gaurav, may not belong to the human race and may in fact be the first authentic Alien. Between Jadu, Et, and PK, he seems to have, most alien ways. However we need to confirm this first using some tests!”. Mr Gaurav has been taken into the police custody and was heard shouting ‘My Choice, My Choice’ while being arrested. He is now reportedly kept at an undisclosed location and the government has refused to divulge any details, keeping in mind the public sentiments.