Sunday, 22nd April, 2018

Man fires at waiter due to less than optimal butter on his paratha

18, Dec 2012 By Rahul Batra

Mr Rajesh is a typical Delhi guy. He gets into brawls at the drop of a hat or a laathi (as the case may be). He is extremely fond of food (the one with 2 legs and wings most revered for it’s LEG PIECE). He is more concerned about his neighbour’s economic status than the nation’s GDP.

Once in a while he also makes lewd comments at girls only to get the usual “tere ghar mein maa behen nahi hai kya?? Kalmoohe“. Now he has become quite used to these comments and takes them in his stride. He is also a loyal consumer of ‘Gucchi Vucchi’ and aspires to buy a ‘Prada Shada ‘ one day.

Recently he visited a popular paratha food joint in Chandni Chowk for breakfast. Everything was fine till the time he was served his aloo paratha after which hell broke loose. Rajesh was immensely disappointed at the number of butter cubes on his paratha and got into a brawl with the waiter. It is a popular belief that any Punjabi’s happiness level is directly proportional to the milk products served to him/her. And this incident just proved it.

Parantha and butter
Not enough butter

“Only 2 cubes?? How the hell am I supposed to eat a whole paratha with so lil butter?” Overheard an eyewitness sitting on the next table at the scene of crime .

Rajesh soon took out his pistol and opened fire at the waiter. Luckily the waiter survived by hiding under the tables.

India TV reporters soon started interviewing both the parties involved in the incident coz apparently they were no alien sightings all day long and they had run out of stuff to show the audience.

Reporter to Rajesh: Sir what made you do this crime ?

Rajesh: Well I recently came to know through the news that another man in Delhi shot a waiter for serving him leftover food. I don’t think I did anything wrong by firing at him. He asked for it, by giving me such lil butter.

Reporter: Sir we came to know that you  have a VLCC gym membership.

Rajesh: Come on why would I not take it?? They were charging Rs 15,000  more than Fitness First gym in which our neighbours the Guptas  have signed up. Gotto maintain my social status you see.

Reporter: Sir but we heard that you were on a diet. Is it true?

Rajesh: Ya I am extremely diet conscious. I do pour in half the packet of Sugarfree Natura in my morning cup of tea everyday to stay fit. Nowadays  I consume less of the meethi chutney while having samosas. Heard that it’s very fattening.

Reporter: And fried aloo samosas help in reducing your weight, I suppose?

Rajesh: Next question plz!!

When asked the public relations head of Amul whether they would take any moral responsibility for this unfortunate incident he replied: Sorry no comments. By the way can you say this tongue twister faster than me ?? ‘Betty bought a bit of butter, but the butter was bitter. So she bought a bit of better butter to make the bitter butter, better.’

Needless to say the brave & daredevil reporters fled the scene.

The Health Minister had this to say: “After looking through the matter all I can say is that butter consumption needs to be curtailed ASAP. This whole myth that eating endless amounts of butter makes you healthy is complete bullshit. Drinking Bournvita was supposed to make my kid tall and intelligent. Did that happen?? NOOOO!! Now if you could please excuse me. It’s time for my 3 hour power nap.”

DISCLAIMER : This is a work of pure fiction and is meant to be taken in good humour . No parathas were gobbled while writing this & the author shall refrain from consuming any parathas for the next 3 hours to show his grief over what happened. Neither Amul, it’s subsidiaries or the author’s doodh vala bribed him with any free milk to promote them in this article.

Written by: Rahul Batra

Besides blaming the government for his indigestion troubles the author also rants on his blog