Sunday, 25th June, 2017

Man fails to turn 'cool' after failing to follow the Football World Cup

18, Jun 2014 By Prateek Shah

On the outskirts of New Delhi: Ramesh Chand (name changed since his real name had already brought him lot of shame and he is yet to find a suitable matrimony match and is registered on all marriage websites) was an ordinary Engineer. He never wanted much from life. His aims were simple, his ambitions ordinary.

But there was one thing he always wanted to be, ‘cool’. He looked at his Delhi (specially South Delhi) counterparts and wondered how he could become cool like them. Thus began his journey to learn how to be cool and earn his coolness quotient.

John_Football
Not the best way to turn cool?

Ramesh went to Baba Chillum Bhatinde Wale, who has set up shop in the uber cool and posh Hauz Khas Village Market in Delhi, just above the 5th floor of that newly opened cafe where you have to climb all the stairs. Baba Chillum gave Ramesh a 10 step Secret Process for a Secret Fee that Ramesh wouldn’t disclose, but in this secret process lied the secret to becoming Cool in the Capital.

First, Ramesh started drinking. First beer, then other forms, and cleared stage one of this process comfortably. Then he started smoking the odd cigarette once in a while, and started ‘loving’ smoking the hookah every now and then, not to forget Baba Chillum’s name sake food supplement. Then after trying hard to find a girl friend, he convinced a girl by exchanging a phone and some talk time in return to pose with him for some pictures and allow him to upload them on facebook. Everything was going fine until the World Cup came along.

Ramesh even managed to watch some bits of EPL and bought a Man U jersey to show support. The World Cup was Stage 10 in Ramesh’s Coolness Coronation. He was set to finally turn cool in the eyes of the world! Something that would turn all his friends red hot with jealousy! But Ramesh failed!

Just when he was about to start trying to follow the World Cup, his scumbag of a Boss in the office decided to change his shift timings and make him come to office during night hours! Ramesh’s dream was shattered! He was left heartbroken! He would have to remain uncool for a long time to come! Without him getting to show the world that he was watching the matches live and update status messages on facebook and twitter, he had gone back to becoming what he always was, an Uncool Aam Aadmi!

Ramesh was unconsolable at the time this article went to print and therefore couldn’t comment on the matter. But we hope that the next world cup will see Ramesh’s dream come true.