Sunday, 17th December, 2017

Maharashtra Police to be given Twitter and Facebook accounts to stay busy

28, Mar 2015 By jholu

Mumbai: With Maharashtra showing excellent records in all monitors of social development, for example consistently zero farmer suicides,  zero corruption, zero malnutrition, zero infant deaths, zero poverty and most significantly, zero crimes including those against women, the government is now working over the time in order to develop methods for keeping the extraordinary Maharashtra Police busy.

Mumbai Police
“Bainthe Bainthe kya karen, karna hai kuch kaam, chalo thodi der so le, lekar prabhu ka naam!”

Maharashtra state Home Minister Mr.  Jholu in an exclusive interview to Faking News said, ‘The BJP government in the state under the able leadership of our honorable chief minister, and our prime minister, has brought Achchhe Din to the people. Maharashtra state has become one and only one state in the whole universe with zero-crime. Our able leadership has also cured all the problems in the state. So much so, that there are no more people, breaking any of the laws. In fact, all the jails have gone vacant, and the Police have no more work to do. But they will obviously still continue to have the jobs, since we do need to maintain a healthy police structure in the state, specially, in order  to either help or just silently watch, our excellent karyakartas and collaborators in different towns to break offices, bones and heads, if someone attacks our great culture. But still, that kind of opportunity only arises rarely, like when a movie or a book is released! This cannot keep them busy over the year? We have taken some steps but we  are still trying our best to devise methods in order to keep our police force busy.”

In a slew of measures in order to protect the Maharashtra police from becoming lazy and worthless, the government has passed new set of laws. In a recent advance, slaughtering Beef and eating them has been banned. The government thinks of this as a master stroke.

Hawalder Bhairaw Singh in Ghatkopar Thana agrees, says, ‘The Government has done a great favor to us! Before this government, Mumbai was the hub of prostitution, arms smuggling, drug dealing, women and child trafficking, under-over beggary mafia, water mafia, illegal contractor raj, land mafia and had other major problems of waste disposal etc. But now after the magic wand of this BJP government, since all this is over, we had no more work. Thankfully, with this new anti-beef law, we can jail people who commit the serious crime of eating beef! In fact, just yesterday, I charged a person searching for a now closed beef shop. He got so scared, that he voluntarily gave me a thousand rupees! Our business has now grown many fold. Achchhe Din are truly here. In fact, we are so excited, some people may  plan an underground beef market! This surely will also help us more.”

“With some police stations getting some work with this law, not all stations are still fully busy,” said Mr. Jholu before signing off said, ‘The anti-beef law is just the starting. I am a pure vegetarian and would have also passed a anti-chicken eating law, but the problem is some of the ministers in our government really love butter chicken! Although I believe that this bird also deserves to be protected and, more importantly,  given a law against eating it, our police would have remained completely busy! But that seems difficult. Anyways,  before anything like that happens, we have now decided to fit high speed internet in all police stations. They will also be given Facebook and Twitter accounts, to look at all media content. Section 66A was an important step which could have kept them busy, but with that now gone, they can still use the internet to post pictures etc. and engage in online discussions.”

An expert five member team has also being made to suggest innovative ways to end this menace. It is supposed to submit a report by next week.