Responding to allegations by media from across the border, the ISPR issued a statement earlier this morning denying any involvement in the terrorist attack currently unfolding in Gurdaspur, Punjab.
Incensed by suggestions that this is yet another case of state-sponsored cross-border terrorism, the ISPR spokesperson had this to say: “India has to stop making us out to be the scapegoat every time any of its citizens picks up a gun. Look at the reality in your country: the monsoon session of parliament is stalled and your opposition is baying for the resignation of senior ministers. Did it even occur to you that your government might have executed this attack in order to rally citizens around a common cause? We did it in Peshawar, after all.”
“We have high, exacting standards that we hold ourselves up to: the Bombay blasts, the attack on the Indian parliament, the Bombay local train blasts, 26/11, etc. It is eminently clear that the current attack simply does not live up to the altogether loftier benchmark set by these operations. Any reasonable person will immediately see that in comparison the current attack is amateurish at best.”