Friday, 20th April, 2018

ISIS's new brutality replaces beheading method with GST returns!

20, Jan 2018 By UltiKhopdi

Press Mis-Trust of Iraq (PMTI): ISIS increases its brutality..replaces beheading method with GST returns! American Nationals who were touring Iraq and hijacked last week, were tortured by making them file GST Returns on GSTN Portal. A video released by ISIS shows that mantra-tantras were recited before hijacked Americans were given computers to file GST Returns and militants were seen laughing loudly as Americans were terrorized with every click of a button.

A Senior Militant – Al Bhagdadi confirmed this news to Faking News Correspondent who said – “It is true that we have replaced our beheading method with more brutal technique used in India to torture Chartered Accountants in India. With Americans bombing and killing all our hard working Jihadis, we decided to combat the same with virtual brutality technique like GST Returns. I am happy to see effectiveness of this brutal method. For example, one American Haram died last month while filing GSTR 3B Return. He clicked save button at least 4 billion times, but Allah did not approve his living and he was died as his wrist suffered fatal cut injury due to excessive clicking. Hahahahahahah.. Alla hu Akbar”.

Celebration going on as they got a new torture technique
Celebration going on as they got a new torture technique

FBI Counter Terrorism Expert confirmed deployment of this method by ISIS. But said, “This is true and concerning news. We contacted customer care of GSTN who said – We know the problem, this is the problem with all assesses, have patience… it will get sorted soon… all shit, but no solution. I also tried to convince Customer Don’tCare officer of GSTN by citing friendship of NaMo and Trump. But all in vain. We finally contacted fake expert on GST based out in Pune named as Av who recommended us to fire missile on GSTN Server room instead of Afganistan. We are convinced! That seems to be only solution left to combat this attack”.

Meanwhile, PETA in India has demanded inclusion of “Chartered Accountants” in the definition of “animal” in Prevention of Cruelty of Animals Act, 1960. PETA also has requested Government to consider “filing GST Returns” as extreme brutality activities in schedule of the said Act.

Vaidya, a Pune based Chartered Accountant and typical दुष्ट/ कपट lawyer, however appeared frightened, disoriented and frustrated since 1st July 2017 told Faking News– “पिछले जनम के भोग है ये सब… जरूर मै पिछले जनम में कॉंग्रेस पार्टी का नेता था या तो कोई भयंकर राक्षस… भगवान सब इस जनम में मेरे से वसूल कर रहा है… जितना डर मुझे मृत्युसे नही होता, उतना आज कल GST रिटर्न्स से हो रहा है साहेब…. हर २० तारीख के नजदीक आने पर भगवान मेरे आत्मा पर वार करता है… अब तो ये जालीम शरीर है जो हर महिने ये GST का काम करवा रहा है..” He walked in silo like hypnotized chanting shlok- “न वैद्य प्रभुरायुषः” (No Doctor/Vaidya is savior of life) towards GST office near Camp, Pune.

Another CA based out in Adhyatmik city Banaras said – “I pray thrice a day… बहोत पूजा पाठ करता हुं, हनुमान चालीसा का यज्ञ रखता हुं हर महिने के २० तारीख को, फिर जाके मेरा GST रिटर्न फाईल होता है जनाब. भगवान का अंतर्मन है ये GST पोर्टल उसे समझो… वो सब देखता है… save request in progress, emsigner not started, Checksum failed etc. ये सब उसके खेल है, हम तो सिर्फ इस खेल की कटपुतलीया है साहाब!”