Interviewer: Welcome to TIMES COW. We are here in an exclusive interview with Surjeet Singh, who has finally been released from imprisonment in Pakistan.
(Turns to Surjeet) So Surjeet…. THIRTY THREE YEARS! Phew! Intense, innit?
Surjeet: (Sighs) Yep. Three decades without Facebook is pretty intense, I shit you not! But I am glad to skip Bollywood movies in the 80’s and Indi-pop in the 90’s.
Interviewer: (Shudders) True. You know, you have some serious catching up to do with the world.
Surjeet: Yeah. There were no newspapers in Jail to read…or wipe! Heck, we had to scrape our buttocks clean with Justin Bieber- audio CD’s. (Suddenly, a spider catches his attention) YEEEESH, Spider! Hand me a newspaper, Quick!
Interviewer: (with a condescending “can you believe this caveman?”- look on his face) Newspapers? Pch. We have I-pads now. (Smashes the spider with I-pad).
Interviewer: You know, your family lost all its fortune trying to bring you back to the country?
Surjeet: No worries! I will be up in the next Bigg Boss where I will be sort- of imprisoned under tight supervision at an unknown location for another three months. No biggie. Also, RGV is making a movie based on my days in jail. It’s called ‘Mera Pind- My memories….’. I’ll be earning BIGG BUCKS on royalty, no?
Interviewer: Okay last question. So, looking forward to a grand homecoming bash?
Surjeet: You bet! Dance- shance to sweet Panjabbi music all week!
Interviewer: So Honey Singh will be blasted off the speakers all over Ferozpur, huh?
Surjeet: Honey who?
Interviewer: (Disgusted) YOU DON’T KNOW WHO HONEY SINGH IS?