Monday, 20th November, 2017

Indians find a major place in newly announced mars one crew

20, Apr 2017 By Romit Bose

Amsterdam. Mars One, The Dutch-based ambitious space venture, which promises people a chance to live out their remaining days on the Red Planet, made a surprise announcement today. At a press conference, Mars One announced the crew for the first ever manned mission to Mars by the year 2018. The private spaceflight project led by Dutch entrepreneur Bas Lansdorp has had its share of controversies already, and thus had been under tremendous pressure to propose an optimum taskforce for the mission. What struck the world with awe is the extremely significant proportion of Indian citizens in the crew.

The most important key members for this manned mission would be a group of Indian engineering students. The students will be leveraged to observe the effects of the harsh atmosphere of Mars on humans. It is a globally known phenomenon that Indian engineering students do not need oxygen, water or sunlight to survive. A truly inexplicable wonder of nature, they can continue their essential organic activities like sleeping, eating, and bunking classes, only surviving on Maggi and Wills Flake. Invauable as they are for the mission, the team has just one demand – that they be automaticaly passed in the remaining semesters.

To ensure a foolproof back up mechanism to send messages ‘vocally’ back to earth in case of communication failure, Arnab Goswami is being taken onboard. Mars One disclosed that the opening phrase “Mars wants to know” has been finalized for such earth bound messaging. Apart from that, to ensure presence of essential building blocks of life, telecallers selling random credit cards, insurance or personal loans have also been given a place in the crew.

Meanwhile several Indian hospitality companies have started enquiries about real estate prices in Mars. Mars One team shared that they were initially impressed by the futuristic thinking of these companies when they asked the project team about proposed plans for highways on Mars. The Space Mission Agency was however taken aback by an apparently bizarre request for allocation of lands 500 metres away from these proposed highways; a demand that they haven’t yet been able to make any sense of.

Meanwhile, several thousands Indian IT workers are learnt to have been incessantly calling Mars One headquarters inquiring about Visa requirements for a Mars onsite. President of the United States of America however, has condemned any such efforts to force skilled cheap Indian IT onto the red planet. He has expressed his displeasure through a tweet that had a mention of making Mars great again. We are awaiting reply from Mars One on this issue.