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Indian Mujahidin fires its terrorist team responsible for Patna blast

29, Oct 2013 By राजदीप सरदर्द दे साई

Patna / New Delhi: In its performance evaluation exercise Indian Mujahidin has found the performance of the team given the responsibility to carry out blasts in Patna was totally “disappointing” and “embarrassing”.

Fired terrorists.
Fired terrorists.

The terrorists responsible for the blast have been fired after a unanimous decision by the HR department of Indian Mujahidin.

When contacted by Faking News, HR manager of Indian Mujahidin explained the reason behind firing of its recruits. “See, the Patna serial blasts were a total failure exercise by our team. We take the full responsibility of the utter failure of serial blasts.  We judge the success of our operations on various Key performance indicators (KPIs) and we are sorry to say that our Patna operations were an utter failure on all counts.”

“See post our blasts, we were expecting that Home minister will visit the place which is the level 1 of our performance indicator. Our Patna blasts not only failed in getting home ministers visit, it even failed in getting his attention. When home minister says that he has life beyond blasts, you can imagine what a colossal failure our operation was,” explained HR manager of Indian Mujahidin.

“Our terrorists are trained to achieve higher levels of performance indicators like Rahul- Digvijay mentioning the blasts as act of RSS, Mulayam Singh repeating demand for a third front to save nation and Sonia crying on hearing the news/ seeing visuals.  Our recent operation failed to achieve any of these goals. Our aim is always to achieve the highest KPI i.e. a reaction from Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, though we consider this to be next to impossible.” told the obviously disappointed manager to FN.

When FN contacted the expelled terrorists, they also seemed to be quite depressed. “It is not completely our fault. See we put our lives on line, yet some music launch took away all the headlines. I will only blame our bad luck. You see… We literally blew the place Modi was addressing a rally, even then NDTV did not had any headlines like “Blow to Modi”. How many more blows they need? It is our sheer bad luck that.”

Telling about their future plans, terrorist said that his only ray of hope is Mr. Rahul Gandhi. “We are jobless now and have to join some organization. I heard that only Rahul knows that ISI is recruiting people these days. I will try to contact him to know if ISI is still recruiting.” Said the expelled terrorists and signed off.