Wednesday, 24th January, 2018

India hit by a new disease “Acquired Offense Ascendancy Syndrome”, Millions infected

12, Apr 2015 By shridhar

New Delhi: New disease AOAS( Acquired Offense Ascendancy Syndrome) has been spreading across India in the last few months. It has been termed as a pandemic. We wanted to know more about this disease so we spoke to Dr Jadibuti Lal.

Kekdekar: Tell us more about this disease.

Dr Jadibuti Lal: This new disease infects the human brain. The patient infected by this disease feels offended all the time. Anything people say or do might insult him. Patient will support ban on all the things that he might feel offended with.

Patient showing early signs of
Patient showing early symptoms of AOAS

Kekdekar: How did this disease start?

Dr. Jadibuti Lal: This has been prevalent from a very long time. Only in the recent time it has mutated into different strains. Its not very clear how it started. We have more information on how it is spreading.

Kekdekar: How is it spreading ?

Dr Jadibuti Lal: People with political and religious affiliations are the main reason for spreading of this disease. Usually patients who are severely affected by this get offended and forcefully make others feel offended about everything they disagree with. Till a point comes where people won’t even know what insulted them and why they are offended.

Kekdekar: Can you explain more about how can it be spotted among patients?

Dr Jadibuti Lal: Initially patient just feels the anger and will be able to suppress it. In later stages, patient loses control and starts using the word “Liberal “ as cuss word. Patient then searches for data to prove his points. Knowingly, picks data that suits him while ignoring other important parts. If somebody even tries to present a counter argument, patient abuses in loud voice till a point where people are annoyed and don’t want to argue. Once patient gets his way and realizes this a winning formula then patient is completely in control of the disease.

Kedekar: How can we not make the patients feel offended ?

Dr Jadibuti Lal: Ha ha ha (laughs loudly). There is no way. No matter what you or do they will find a way to feel offended. Harmless things like tweeting something about the food he/she likes, even that can make the patient feel insulted. The one thing that nobody understands is that they can associate anything and everything to Pakistan while they are getting offended.

Kekdekar: What is the medium for this disease to spread ?

Dr Jadibuti Lal: News channels are one of the main mediums. There are some organizations also who are striving very hard to spread this disease and they have been fairly successful. Social Media is also an important medium.

Man! This sounds like a dangerous disease. Not sure how many the patients will pitch for a ban on Dr Jadibuti Lal after reading this.