Don’t Expect Us To Go Vegetarian, Zeus Warns
The Balkan Chronicle. Monday 1st July, 2012.
ATHENS, GREECE – Debt-ridden Greek Prime Minister Lucas Papademos sent waves of relief through the nation earlier on Friday, as he announced a deal to sell Greece’s Olympian Gods to India, a country known for its acceptance of innumerable deities.
“With all our financial woes in recent years, we Greeks have become rather godless creatures anyway,” sighed Papademos. “Securing this deal with India could well prove to be the best thing to happen to us since our football team won Euro 2004.”
Greece’s debts touched an astronomical €350 billion earlier this year, an astonishing 144.90% of their GDP, but this divine transfer fee, rumoured to be in the region of €220 billion, could go a long way towards easing Greek agitation.
“It’s a win-win situation,” beamed Nikolas Gianakopoulos, chairman of the Association of Ancient Greek Gods and Goddesses (AAGGG), in an exclusive interview with The Balkan Chronicle. “When I communed with the deities last night, they seemed really excited by the prospect of relocating to India, the land of elephants and Vijay Mallya (or is that one and the same?) Besides, they’re tired of listening to people’s complaints about the economy here in Greece.”
Gianakopoulos seemed confident that the Olympian Gods and Goddesses would have no problems adjusting to life in India. “Poseidon has always been a huge fan of the cricket. These days, he’s been using pine trees as cricket bats, smashing enormous boulders all over Mount Olympus and causing plenty of trouble, as always. He’ll probably demand an IPL contract upon arrival, knowing that bloke. Zeus, on the other hand, was slightly taken aback when I told him they don’t serve meat in Indian temples, but a fellow named Ram-Gopal-something rung in the other day, promising Zeus all the meat he could dream of, as long as he played a cameo role in an upcoming Bollywood film of his.”
Things weren’t looking so rosy only a few hours ago, as New Delhi almost called off the deal at the eleventh hour following demonstrations by the nation’s monotheistic minorities in the capital. “Why should we pay for so-called Gods who we aren’t even going to pray to?” one bearded man demanded, angrily. Their voices went unheard, though, as officials from the ruling UPA government could not retrieve the memo as it went against national protocol to disturb Prime Minister Manmohan Singh during his afternoon nap.
One prominent opposition member though, Mr. Narendra Modi, was quick to welcome the move, reassuring the Greeks via constant updates on Twitter – ’More Gods the merrier. It’s funny how these minorities still believe the government cares about their opinions. Zeus & Co. Welcome to India!’