Tuesday, 24th October, 2017

IIT Kharagpur’s “Aaj VP Kal CEO” program open for enrolment

06, Jan 2014 By rnraoin

Faculty of IIT Kharagpur have come up with an innovative program for creating CEOs, innovatively called the “Aaj VP Kal CEO”. The program is a dedication to their alumni Arvind Kejriwal.

Inspirational figure.
Inspirational figure.

Under this unique program, students who join the company will not have to do any work. They only have to keep (shouting) suggesting that the entire management is stupid and especially the VP is unable to manage the company.

Once the major stakeholder of the company makes this person a VP in recognition of this (agitation) management reforms, he can bring in some of his own folks who are equally worried about bringing in change in the management.

The best part is, these folks can be workers, laid off management personnel of same or different company and need no experience in managing a company. Since, these are selected by this (agitating) reformist VP, they are automatically considered to be capable of better managing the company.

The company, many feel, will usher in an era of No Unions and No Management. All workers will be continuously made to remember that the company has no workers and no managers.

“Yeh aap hi ke log hain”, “ Aaj se aap sab VP hain iss company ke”, “Hum sab apki tarah two wheeler main aayenge” and such similar management jargons will be taught under this program that the VP has to very affectionately keep telling the workers.

“The best part of this program is that you have to only keep claiming the current management is bad and is fooling the workers. At the most you have to show some journal picked up from the dustbins and claim that contains the blue print for better management”, said a student, who is clearly in awe of Arvind Kejriwal.

In answer to the question that may arise about experience & credentials by some of the workers and managers, the Training & Placement officer said that “He is from IIT, so he knows what he is doing” will be the answer given by the management. “You see, you do not have to understand budgeting, costs, profitability, anything at all. Neither do you have to worry about such things. You only focus on calling everyone else stupid. Isn’t that awesome?”, said another aspirant to this program.

Once selected as VP, he does not have to do the job of the VP. He has to start preparing to become the CEO of the company with a similar strategy. “What will he do in the interim as VP till he becomes the CEO?” asked one of the reporters, who was abused as (right winger) management stooge and asked to leave the press conference of IIT Kharagpur. “Well, one has to be smart enough and claim loose motions and take sick leave etc. I mean a lot of this work has to be self-initiative.” Said a clearly (clueless) angry TPO.

The program is expected to be in top demand very soon across the nation. “I mean, normally you would have to work your way up and after decades of hard work and (politics) loyalty to management, you hope to become a VP and never a CEO really. Now, I can hope to become a CEO almost immediately, without proving anything about myself! Only calling the management bad and later work with the same management. It’s fine it seems!! ” said an excited student.

This exclusive report is from HumSubCEOHai Press Club.