Hyderabadis are a little disturbed nowadays.
What will happen to their city? The talk of a new state has unnerved them because rival Bangalore has now taken a huge lead in the race between cities. What do they do to make their city catch up with their old nemesis?
So recently, “The Hyderabad Ka Izzat Bachao” committee got together, so that they could list out the advantages Hyderabad would always have irrespective of which state it would be the capital of. Their shock and awe campaign to differentiate Hyderabad from Bangalore consisted of highlighting key aspects of daily life in Hyderabad. According to sources, including a Nanjappa Gowda from Bangalore, the committee extensively surveyed both Hyderabad and Bangalore before coming to the following observations.
1. The right to own the road The mean streets of Hyderabad are where your helicopter pilot dreams will come true.
For example, a scooter initially on the right side of your car can disappear and appear on your left side and then later pop up suddenly in front of you. Sometimes it can appear under a bus too. A bus can test your general alertness by suddenly stopping in the middle of the road and when you think that you have passed the test, it can come at you in reverse gear. If a constable stops you, you can argue and casually beat the pulp out of him. Seeing three people on a bike is possible without imbibing alcohol and sometimes you can see four or five too.
Compare this to Bangalore where even auto drivers do not jump the signal and you just cannot quench your wanderlust on the roads. Citizens of Bangalore, you need to revolt against such draconian rules.
2. The right to see the sky Hyderabadis get up late in the morning. This is because the sun has to be clearly visible in the bright blue sky to differentiate night and day. Call it a nawabi hangover.
Hyderabad understands this problem and makes sure that there is always a clear view of the sky. And trees be damned if they block the view. Cut the trees and build a park. Cut the trees and lay a road. Cut the trees and do I need an excuse? It is a boon that Hyderabad does not have citizen groups like in Bangalore which hug trees when they are about to be chopped. After all, it is only a tree and not the Taj Mahal. Chop it down and make it quick is what the committee heard from a Planning Official the other day.
3. The right to relieve your bladder anywhere Hyderabad is a city where health is an important subject. And care is taken to see that the citizens of Hyderabad are always healthy. One can zip down anywhere and let it all flow from the bladder without the slightest tinge of embarrassment. You can relieve yourself while happily watching the traffic or even better, looking at the movie posters. Which other modern and fast growing city would pamper its citizens like this? The other day in Bangalore’s Indira Nagar, a distinguished gentleman’s bladder sent him an SMS. He immediately reacted and checked out the roads and was horrified to find that there was not a single place where he could indulge in. The neatly maintained footpaths made him groan, “If only this was Hyderabad!”
4. The right to dump filth into water bodies Lakes in Hyderabad are meant to be polluted. Only after they are polluted can we have sailing events and boating services. The Nizam built the Tank Bund so that it could be polluted. The Musi proudly flows through Hyderabad showing off its dirty colours. Bangaloreans must be from a different planet. Why do they make such a fuss about Ulsoor lake? ‘Be a Hyderabadi and dirty your lake’ is the proud Hyderabad motto and the authorities nod their head in appreciation.
5. The right to name everything after Rajiv Gandhi As you land in Hyderabad and exit through the Rajiv Gandhi airport, read about the cricket match in Rajiv Gandhi stadium and pass by multiple statues of him, you feel proud to live under the shadow of this great leader. You might as an afterthought, ask with moist eyes though. What has this leader done for Hyderabad or how is he connected to this city? How dare you ask that question? What has Tipu Sultan done for Bangalore?
6. The right to be short sighted Hyderabad is a land where one can lounge around languidly. It does not plan for the future. Bangalore might have a twelve-year-old outer ring road, might have flyovers with cloverleaf patterns and might even have the metro but who cares. Hyderabad has the better airport and that is enough for a lifetime. The present is the future and the future is for dreamers. And authorities in Hyderabad do not dream. They just watch Telugu movies and saunter around Irani cafes.
Emboldened with these facts, the committee decided that Hyderabad does not need to compete with Bangalore. In fact there was no question of a race as a race can only be between equals. The committee concluded that the spirit of Hyderabad whether in a new state or old state was unmatched. The city of biriyani with its paan stained streets would always be superior to Bangalore’s acquired habits and foreign tastes.