Wednesday, 18th October, 2017

How to celebrate an accountable 'Green Diwali'

23, Oct 2014 By ajeeb

The festival of lights is here again, eventually, for Uttar pradesh too. Faking news taking concern over the ‘pollutical’ situation of India, brings in five worthy ways of expressing your joy, while keeping your lungs happy.

May be, this ain't no pollution.
May be, this ain’t no pollution.

1) Take 5 glasses of ‘Bhang’ in the morning: As, per the human tolerance level of bhang, 5 glasses of bhang thoroughly mixed with sugar will make you sleep for the entire week day. If you are not awake, avoiding fireworks will be an easy task, It’s as simple as that.

2) Donate your whole bank balance to Aam Aadmi Party: This is a exemplified way of showing your ‘patriotism’ through ‘patriotism’. This might also help the country to save certain extinct patriots of the nation. Without any money, no such force on earth will force you towards the bursting boogies. If possible, donate all of your property to some Godman like Nirasharam rapu, this might buy you pervertism immortal blessings and as you will be in the middle of nowhere, your share of pyrophores will be left unlighted.

3) Jump from the 13th floor of a building having 13 floors: This option is only available for brave people having overfilled courage. Jumping off from the 13th floor may injure you badly, hence there will be no room for fireworks and if you are lucky enough to die, in future there will be baseless claims mythological tales of you among kids and priests for at least 200 years, being immortal and a responsible citizen as well, combo pack.

4) Deliver a tight slap to the nearest available cop followed by verbal abuses: Search for a police station in your locality, slap the cop wearing more numbers of stars on his shoulders. To hold back onto your actions, reason your activity for the payoff to the bribe, he has taken for setting up an illegal firework stall, though, after this your life can be in a constant jeopardy. It is quite probable that you will be sacked by the cop for assaulting a government servant, inside jail there are no crackers, self explanatory task with its own green benefits.

5) Just, don’t do Crackers: “This amateur options is being deliberately kept here for certain StraightShit Heads.”