For our readers:
*CBI claims “My very educated mother, just showed us nine planets” is a trick kids use to remember the names of the planets where the first word of every word represents first letter of a planet. Same goes with ** “ My very educated mother, just served us nice pudding”. News follows-
Disappearances of the Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall had proved to be a dampener to the Children’s day celebration last week in. Ironically it was 14th Nov was also the birthday of the 65-year-old Prince Charles, who had shown to the world that there is a child in each one of us when he married Camilla Parker Bowles a few years ago.
The situation has improved once it was found that the royal couple is safe and with Rahul Gandhi Ji. While they would certainly reach Mars by the time this article goes to print, an insider confirmed that there were no intended plans for a Mars visit, and this was merely an innocent mistake on part of the authorities which led to a huge
fuck up goof up.
Reports suggested that while touring India, Charles and wife were accompanied by Rahul Ji, Digvijay Ji and a few other congressmen. Given Mangalayaan’s success, Charles wanted to congratulate ISRO. Rahul Ji, like a good “Indian” host was more than obliged to escort them to Sri Hari Kota. Prince Charles’ willingness to congratulate ISRO was surprising as the British media has off late been rather
abusive critical of the Indian Mars mission while the David Cameron led govt. discontinued the British funding to the Indian space program.
Here is the CBI report of the incident.
“If witnesses are to be believed, Rahul Gandhi started an intellectual discussion with the scientists which led to the confusion and resulted in the trio being sent to Mars. Rahul Gandhi, in order to impress the scientists was said to have stated –“ My very educated mother, just showed us nine planets”*. When being told there were only 8 planets, Rahul Gandhi Ji chuckled and quickly changed his statement to –“ My very educated mother, just served us nice pudding”**. The scientists were dumbfounded and attempted a face saver by asking if by ‘mother’, Rahul meant Sonia Ji. Rahul answered in the negative with a spark in his eyes. “‘Mother’ can only mean Mars.” While this made the ISRO scientists very proud, it left a bunch of other congressmen bewildered, Digvijay Singh bemused and Sonia Ji who was watching all this over Skype satellite TV belittled.
Charles, having picked up some Hindi in the past few days, innocently quipped “ Hamari Yatra Mangalmay Ho” with the expression of a puppy waiting for a ball. This unfortunately, was the only thing the scientists could comprehend, thanks to his British accent. They stated that it was very difficult to understand whatever English he speaks(assuming he does indeed speak English). The scientists, already obsessed with Mars, asked Rahul Ji, if Charles too wanted to go to Mars.
Rahul, by then, lost in his occasional deep thoughts was heard muttering words like ‘planets’, ‘orbits’ and ‘escape velocity’ which the scientists interpreted as an affirmative.
The scientists wanting not to anger either of the heirs- Yuvraj Rahul or Prince Charles, decided that the trio indeed wanted to visit Mars and chartered a special spacecraft to fulfill their wishes. Digvijay Singh seemed very confused, pointing a top of the line DSLR at them, struggling to click photographs of the historic moment. The roar of the spacecraft engines meanwhile ensured no one could hear Sonia Ji, who over Skype, tried her best to stop this madness. It was only after the spacecraft took off that Sonia Ji was audible, and is believed to be very angry, from her not so polite words for Digvijay Singh. Digvijay Singh’s camera has been confiscated, lest he tweets the details of this unfortunate error, and causes panic amongst people.
Doubts were raised about the intelligence of the scientists, given the miscommunication which caused the lapse. Digvijay however laid them to rest by suggesting, that if the scientists could comprehend Rahul Ji or the Europen(British/
Italian) accent, why would they be working for ISRO and not for the Congress party.”
There is also a faction that believes this may be a good thing. That this might just save Britain from having Camilla ascending the throne. It was suggested that It may be a good idea to pass on the throne to Prince William and Kate while the trio is on Mars and that it’s a blessing in disguise if Rahul is not back before the Lok Sabha Elections.
Prime Minister Manmohan Singh however, assured that swift arrangements would be made for the trio’s return. He suggested that Men may be from Mars, but ‘Camilla Bhabhii’ being a non dehati aurat would find Mars rather difficult. He has also ordered an immediate rescue action, but unfortunately all of ISRO is on leave. The scientists deserved a break, and are currently in Mumbai trying to get online tickets to watch the recently concluded Sachin’s farewell test match, unaware that the match is already over!
Congress spokesperson Manish Tiwari promised that bringing back the trio is India’s topmost priority and would be done ASAP. BJP however wants ‘bringing back Videshi Dhan’ to be the topmost priority. Anna Hazare and Asaram Bapoo on the other hand have demanded ‘Kohinoor’ to be brought back before anything else. One can say with certainty that Anna Hazare meant the diamond, but it is unclear whether Asaram, given his reputation meant the diamond or Kohinoor Condoms.
It is noteworthy, that being a poor nation, India does not have the money for additional fuel. The spacecraft was to mine for methane(gobar gas as we know it) on Mars and return using the found fuel. Such has been the frugality of India’s ingenious engineering. Britain on the other hand, can’t do much apart from wish that their eldest prince and Duchess come back safely home, being rather unequipped to reach Japan, let alone outer space. The European Union is unwilling to approve any such rescue mission either, citing huge pressures on cost cutting & USA is still reeling under the recovery from a shutdown. In these testing times there is only one beacon of hope, Times Now’s Arnab Goswamy, being blessed with a voice that is heard as far as Jupiter. He may be asked to engage the trio in a conversation and instruct them on how to get back home. Given Rahul’s understanding of escape velocity, this is thought not be too difficult.