Monday, 20th November, 2017

Heartfelt Police Brutality

13, May 2015 By pateltheponderer

New Delhi. Following a fresh outburst of police brutality, Delhi police have revealed that they have adopted a new official policy of heavy handed responses to crime, targeting the most vulnerable criminals they can find. The most recent incident, involving the traffic personnel Satish Chandra, who struck a mother of three with a brick following a minor traffic dispute, is apparently an example of how they will deal with petty crime from now on.

According to one police official, who refused to be named for fear of giving away too many details on the new policy, Chandra was working in accordance with “a new policy that aims to send shivers down the spinal cords of the hardest criminals.” The policy also aims to put police in an anti-role-model position, showing people “what not to do in cases of minor disputes.” This marks a radical departure from previously established practice.

A Heartfelt Slap
A Heartfelt Slap

This policy should be seen as part of the wider attempt at reducing the number of active criminals. “The police have in a sense usurped the role of criminals, making these criminals unemployed and irrelevant as it were. After replacing criminals with policemen, there will inevitably be less crime in Delhi.” It is hoped that this policy U-turn will show people that policemen do have a conscience, and have the public interest at heart.

Other cases of what has been referred to as the ‘Heartfelt Police Brutality’ include the slapping of a young girl at a hospital by a policeman, and the thrashing of two women in a police station at Rohini. Both of these have been accepted by police officials as necessary and productive.

Critics argue that this policy may have adverse effects on the population, who could see it as an example of police insensitivity and perceived impunity. However police sources maintain that these violent outbursts are for the greater good, deterring criminals and providing anti-role models that the people of Delhi so desperately need. It has been rumoured that the new policy has prompted Delhi police to change their motto from “Shanti Seva Nyaya” (peace service justice) to “Āpa aṇḍē kō tōṛanē kē binā ēka omlette nahīṁ kara sakatā” (you can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs).