Tuesday, 20th February, 2018

Haryana school syllabus to change

07, Dec 2012 By khetu

In an effort to inculcate deep-rooted values and traditions into the minds of the young, the Haryana government is going to make some changes in the syllabus from the next academic year. They had been mulling over this decision for quite a few years now but since they have got the go ahead from the ruling Congress and INLD MLAs and no opposition from the BJP, the chief minister has announced the change in syllabus and expressed joy as kids will now be brainwashed from an early age itself!

Here are a few examples of how different subjects will deal with customs that glorify honour above everything else:

Civics: An entire subject devoted to the functioning of Khap Panchayats and how they are empowered to kill anyone they wish. A separate section on opposers of khap panchayats described as intellectually arrogant infidels who hurt Haryanvi sentiments and pride.

History: The heroic tales of khap Panchayats tracking down elopers and bludgeoning them with all the prejudice they could muster.

Ethics and Value education: 5 news chapters have been added on how to mistreat women, enslave them, beat them up, sexually assault them and finally, how to kill them if they do not comply.

Mathematics: Venn diagrams have been used to explain students which marriage unions are allowed and which are disallowed. The blue dot denotes the groom and the pink dot denotes the bride.

Venn Diagram
The honourable teachers hope that the above Venn Diagram will stop students from eloping towards their death

Biology: The ill effects of marrying someone within your gotra in case you escape alive are added in the biology textbook.

Parents of students have expressed joy over the much-awaited syllabus changes. Mr. Gagandeep Singh expressed elation over the fact that the school has shared responsibility turn his boy into a pig-headed bigot. Another parent, Udham Singh always had reservations about his kid as he was very nice to his sisters and girls overall. Now he believes that the new curriculum will get his son closer to becoming a wife-beating moron in the future.

All in all, at a time when there was danger of Haryanvi boys turning into mature adults, such changes in syllabus have come as a boon to preserve the glorious narrow-minded customs of Haryana.