Wednesday, 21st March, 2018

Is “Happy New Year” a “Hyper Ape Yawn”? Not-so-amusing musings on the Twilight of 2017/18

08, Jan 2018 By vidambanachar

At ‘zero-dark-thirty’  last night, the departing, ‘fiddle-faced’ ghost of 2017 A.D. (“Weepy Old Year!”) dashed into my dreamscape and let loose on me a macabre whirl-dance of the verbal triad of “Happy”, “New” and “Year”, amply intertwined with pungent barbs. I struggled to extract an after-dream download of this ‘spleenario’ from my fast-eroding memory-lane and have presented here the gist of the ‘saved’ content for your munching pleasure:

People around the world are at this hour zapping the globe with “Happy New Year”(HNY) ‘hail’ storms, and it perplexes me that they are still not sick of parroting this deep-tired refrain whenever they ‘up-year’ their dateline. Hadn’t you wished the same happiness at the dawn of all your ‘old new years’ and what’s so special about this ‘new new year’? Aren’t you aware that “Happy New Year” could embarrassingly anagram as “Hyper Ape Yawn”? Don’t you realize that any automated gizmo could, on the instant, ‘execute’ this ‘mandatory ritual’? Maybe tomorrow when AE (Artificial Emotion) comes into vogue, a robot – call it “Greetbot” – will spew out reams of heart-winning greeting phrases beyond human conception, by a mere ‘thought-command’.

By the way, is happiness all there is, and there is just nothing else or nothing more left to life? What about ‘newness,’ for instance? Aren’t many people seeking novelty & variety, or at least a latter-day flavour of happiness, a ‘high-scream’ delicacy far different from ‘plain old vanilla’? Aren’t many youth longing for challenges, excitement, thought-twisting experiences and life-lifting revelations, beyond ‘oft-tasted’ happiness? Shouldn’t you keep dreaming up wishes that are fresh & fascinating and pep up those who are raring to leap past ‘milk-and-water’, ‘dull-as-dishwater’ happiness?

Be that as it might, is your frenzied encore of “Happy New Year”, in effect, so frail and fleeting as to compel ‘reactivation’ every once in a while? Does it turn cold so fast as to cry out for continual reheating? Isn’t it like serving some bizarre “re-warmed old ice-cream” over and over again? Besides that, how on earth could there be a barrelful of ‘New Years’ – exclusive New Year festivities for ever-so-many sects – in a sheer span of 365 days?

And pray, why is such a deadly medley of noise, nuisance and nonsense kicked up over a transient amendment to a bare number? Does Nature truly turn ‘all-new’ overnight for your so-celebrated New Year’s Day?

The ‘AD-2017 gunfire’ on “Happy New Year” went on and on, but I could take it no longer. I snapped out of the midwinter nightmare – May I title it “HNY-Negative”? – in a shower of cold sweat, and struggled to scribble a couple of ‘new-sense’ wishes for the emerging new year. But, my grey-matter was now ‘scarefully’ engaged in ‘neurobatics’ (neuronal acrobatics) and began dashing down weird ‘taunts’ such as, “Happy Never Here”, “High-fee New Year”, “Hi-fi New Ear”, “Happy No Near”, “Hopping Knee Wear”, “Hacking Known Here”, “Half-Pay Loo Here” , “Half-fried Noodle Ear”, “Half-way Knower”, “Have Free Noon Beer”, “Happy Ewe Near”, “App-free New Air”, “Nappy Hue Error” and “Sleepy Non-Year”.  As I struggled on, a surreal ‘anagrammatic parade’ unfolded before my dazed eyes, following which I saw myself scrawling “Away Hyper Pen!” – a dictate that forced my doodling to a crashing halt.

What’s “Happy”? What’s “New”? What’s “Year”? My mind has become way too ‘confuscious’ to be able to make a sensible New Year wish for you here. Just for now, could I simply wish you “A Highly Energetic and ‘Young-thu-siastique’ New Year”? May you enjoy redoubled (and, of course, ‘renewable’) teen energy and teen spirits (teen-teen), and turn one year ‘newer’ during “Tenteen-Eighteen”!

* In continuation of the style of ‘four’-teen, ‘six’-teen, ‘seven’-teen and ‘nine’-teen, ‘ten’-teen here signifies not only ‘twenty’, but also a tenaciously ‘teen-adhesive’, ‘youth-focused’ mindset, and “Tenteen-Eighteen” evidently betokens 2018. Intriguingly, “MMXVIII”, which is Latin for “2018”, anagrams as “I VIM MIX”! (= ‘I’ and ‘Energy’ in fusion!)

* Rearrange the letters of “H-a-p-p-y N-e-w Y-e-a-r” and savour, “Hyper Ape Yawn”, “Hyper Pen Away”, and numerous similar wacky anagrammatic constructs, as part of your welcoming celebration for Twenty18.