The central govt has announced new penalties and punishments for not complying with goods and services tax (GST) provisions. Apparently jail terms are not adequately discouraging tax evaders. Also, not enough jails for 1.3 billion people. So, the government has decided to introduce severe measures. Some details have been released to our Tehelka reporters in advance.
Small crimes that usually result in 3 weeks of jail sentence will receive a more stringent punishment. The violators will be dropped in the middle of Bangalore Silk Board junction with food and water for 6 weeks.
Any industrialist who dodges tax will be made to sit, without helmet, inside TamilNadu Assembly for 3 hours nonstop. Jaitley says “if you survive the session your tax rate will fall from 28% to 18%.”
School kids who don’t have to pay any tax but refuse to pay, will be barred from using Whatsapp in their mobile phones for one full hour daily. College students will punished with a free BSNL mobile service replacing their overpriced fast Airtel. Accordingly, your dating service app will change to government monitored BSNL’s “Kushi”. The app will block any mention of the word “intercourse” but forward it to one Mr. Pahlaj Nihalani.
House wives will have to get their dish TV connection from TataSky, who is allowed to rip their clients off without their knowledge. If this doesn’t teach a lesson to the women, the service provider will change to SunDirect. SunDirect is permitted to send your neighbour’s bill to you, whether you activate your service or not.
Chartered Accountants who help tax dodgers will be forced to sit in a Library and read through the entire GST code. Alternatively, they can post “JaiLtey ka Jai!” 108 times in Twitter and get away. Make sure no spelling mistake.
Film stars who deserve punishment must sing GST Ambassador Amitabh Bachchan’s famous song “रंग बरसे भीज चुनारवाली रंग बरसे!” before an audience of 4 Central Board of Film Certification (CBFC) officials.
If you escape with Rs.6000 crore or above, you will become the chief guest at Indian cricket team dinner at London. Your speech must contain “I did not do any money laundering, it was merely an italian job!”
BJP members who dodge tax can escape jail, unless their last name is Advani. Congress MPs shall watch Salman Khan in “Tubelight”. Doctors say it will enhance the IQ of Congress
If your name is Rajini, government will pay you GST.