In a masterstroke, the government totally junked existing proposals and expert committees and instead went with 7 employees from government service itself to reform the UPSC examinations.
This “panel of experts” (secretary, under secretary, their peons, section officer, clerk, pwd engineer) assembled at 9am in UPSC HQ and by 9:01am came up with detailed proposal including a permanent question paper that can be translated and conducted in all languages.
They were particularly proud of the fact that even those that have never even set foot inside schools can crack it and actually had an equal shot at success !! They said, “Irrespective of your educational qualifications, if you had set foot inside a government office to get even a simple application form you would have learnt all that is necessary to crack this paper.”
Details: From now onwards UPSC exams will just ask the following questions to all prospective aspirants
1. Can you be rude to the public ?
2. Can you guard all the procedures to get things done from government as a military secret?
3. Can you ask for that all important “one more residence proof” even after a million others have been provided ?
4. Can you knit more than 100 sweaters in a year at work ?
5. Can you drink a cup of tea/coffee for more than hour and a small tiffin box lunch for more than 3 hours ?
6. Do you “Inflation index” bribes every three months ?
7. Are you aware of the exact bribes you need to pay to get selected/promoted ?
For promotion into IAS cadre, they unanimously concluded that proficiency in “How rude and inaccessible one is to the public will be the singular criteria for selection and promotion.”
After this was announced at 9:01, the agitationists immediately ended their protest at 9:02am with their leader “Coaching Yadav” saying in a press conference, “That is it, why your UPSC exam needs to be anything more than this escapes me !! Any candidate who answers yes to these already has that ‘innate talent’ to work in our government and public sector undertakings isn’t it ? People should be allowed to take this exam in all Indian languages… This will really ease the pressure on folks who want to join government service.”
The IAS (Indian Arrogant Service) officers association at 9:03 released a press note saying, ‘We cautiously welcome this move, the dangers of allowing more non-children of existing IAS officers has to be studied carefully and acted upon down the line……”
SP/BSP/JD(u) released a joint statement saying that their parties will stop attending the lok sabha as the only issue important to the people of their states has been dealt with.