Monday, 19th March, 2018

Government officials to take responsibility of your dieting

04, Jun 2015 By akanksha

With a major part of the population worried about losing weight and staying in shape, the Govt finally decided to control the diet of people. Since most people complain that they cannot resist food, the Govt officials are making sure that you don’t get any.

So while earlier it was said that Eat while your teeth last,  it later got transformed to- Eat before you are diagnosed with eating disorders or hereditary conditions like Diabetes and increased cholesterol, nowadays, they say- Eat till your favourite food gets banned. The ban, however, can be imposed to respect the religious sentiments of the people (BEE* BEE*), who are least concerned if the food requirements of other groups in the society are being met.

The ban could also be imposed due to the presence of an unfortunate chemical (read poison; read toxin) for which no Minister or Food department is responsible, but the celebs who promoted it on television. The celebrities are GODS and hence they can’t get away with the excuse of not knowing about the presence of MSG in our noodles.. HAGGIE HAGGIE.

Eggs are the next ones to be banned from the children’s menu at Anganwadi. Ye ande hi hain jinki wajah se Bharat tarakki nahi kar paa raha. Bachcho ko ande milte hain school mein aur fir wo copy mein bhi anda hi laate hain, aur exam mein bhi. Ye anda hi gayab kar do diet mein se.

Meanwhile, committees are looking at other food stuffs and the implications of their use or consumption in the long run. Proposals are being made about milk, fruits & veggies and cereals & pulses too.

Milk should be banned asap, along with all dairy products. Chori ka maal khana band karo nahi to paap se motapa hi badhega inn Ministers ki tarah. Cows ka doodh churane walon, janta maaf nahin karegi. We all know Cows don’t give us milk. They produce it for the calf.

Vegetables and fruits should also be banned. All trees are becoming arrogant these days. Don’t we have some social responsibility of making the trees humble. Suna h na.. Falon wale trees jhuke hote hain. Tum sab fal tor lete ho aur wo ab jhukte nahin.. you are responsible for their akad and arrogance. Lets ban fruits and vegetables and we would no more be bothered about the inflation. Sabzi hi ni hogi toh roti aap vaise hi ni khaoge! Yayy, Dieting!!

Cereals and Pulses are grown in soil wherein not only rain water seeps in but also human and animal waste. Being a Shuddh nation, how could we eat food stuff grown there? Let’s pledge not to savor these even in our dreams.

Lo! You are dieting! Without any effort! Soon MOTAPA ke sath tumhara bhi KISSA KHATAM!