Thursday, 22nd June, 2017

Faking News gets jinxed!

23, Jun 2012 By dumb doc

Due to a series of strange events occurring in the past couple of hours across the nation, people have come to realize that Faking News (FN) has actually gotten jinxed. The nature of news reports that have been pouring in of late suggests that some of the earlier news reports which written by the FN in a satirical vein are now actually coming true!

It all began yesterday with the PMO reportedly receiving a retake notice from the CBSE headquarters for the PM to retake his class XIIth Economics exam as he gears to assume the Finance Ministry after the resignation of Mr. Pranab Mukherjee. Insiders also say that Rahul Gandhi is tipped to be promoted the next Prime Minister of India on November 14 this year as the UPA Chairperson has suggested a complete overhaul of the cabinet and give Manmohan Singh the charge of the Finance Ministry alone in view of his hectic workload and falling health.

Unconfirmed reports say that Rahul Gandhi has finally agreed to marry his Bengali girlfriend of long as Mrs. Sonia Gandhi wanted him to get settled in life before he assumes the highest office.

Across the North-East a surprise check caught 3 MLAs watching porn clips on their iPads in the Manipur state assembly. A probe has been set up and they have been suspended from attending the further proceedings.

In a shocking development, the government bought a majority stake in the Kingfisher Airlines and the Air India and have vested the Railway Ministry with the power to run them on the populist model. The flight crew and the air-hostesses of Kingfisher Airlines have been hit hard as Mamata Banerjee wants only a ‘non-red’ crew to run the show.

Another unconfirmed news report has revealed that Mr. Digvijay Singh is seeking Psychiatric help after he reportedly started seeing the RSS’ hands just about everywhere. The readers should be aware of the fact that all the above news reports had earlier been reported by the FN, though in a satirical vein.

The mood inside the FN headquarters was gloomy as well and its entire editorial team was seen hopping on one leg. An editor spoke to us on the condition of anonymity: “There has been a series of crow attacks on our editorial team since yesterday. An investigation was begun and they eventually found out the cause. The total number of fake news reports published by the FN is 1100+ and discounting the bogus and the duplicated ones the exact number now stands at 1111 which indicates the Nelson and thus, ill luck. As a result orders were sounded out for everybody to stand on one leg to ward off the evil till another article is published, with strict instructions to fire anyone who disobeys the order”.

The matters were compounded when their chief writer Mr. Pagal Patrakar was seen jumping like a monkey after being unexpectedly taken ill with the mad cow disease. “We always warned him against sleeping in cow sheds on full moon nights but he never paid heed to our advice saying that the ritual was the source of his inspiration for writing fake news reports. Now even his nose has started growing at a rate of an inch an hour! He has been cursed!” said one of his colleagues.

Due to the unavailability of their prime writer, FN editors have hastily assembled a team of novices to write the next news report which should be available soon under their ‘User Submitted Reports’ section.