Friday, 23rd March, 2018

Dog delivers hate speech against Humans

06, Feb 2013 By Shiva Kumar Dhivakar

New Delhi: Believing that the only way to hog the limelight in India is by rendering a hate speech, a dog wearing a red scarf and calling itself the leader of its species, launched a scathing attack against all humans in front of India Gate last night. The speech was so rousing that the message was spread through barks and howls from one street to another and within minutes, hundreds of dogs from all corners of the capital conglomerated at the venue to pay attention to their newfound leader who spoke of the injustice meted out to his comrades in the country.

“In western countries, dogs are treated like family members,” said the chieftain in a commanding tone. “Whenever one of us go missing, owners panic and publish ‘Lost Dog’ posters with a lovely photo of their pet in the inset. When dogs poop on the roads, their owners pick that up with a tissue paper and dump it in the nearest bin. In winters, people even stitch special clothes for their pets to protect them from the cold weather. But here in India, we are all treated so shabbily, like shit. Nobody really cares about us. We are all living among a bunch of disgusting people.”

Dog Man
Picture of the dog that rendered the controversial hate speech

The audience, hurt at the slander against their owners, replied with collective loud groans shaking their heads in disagreement.

“Well, you can see that for yourself,” resumed the speaker. “All these people belong to the same country, but shamelessly fight among themselves, discriminating each other on religion and caste. They steal, commit fraud and even resort to murder for money. They rape their own women to satiate their lust. Their leaders are all corrupt and use their power and position for their own benefits. And you still trust these humans?”

The dogs still appeared unconvinced and made confused glances at each other.

The leader meanwhile continued. “They brag about computers, technology and even launching satellites to the moon; but at the same time refuse to marry someone out of their caste. They complain of being racially abused in other countries, but endorse fairness creams and enjoy making racist remarks on their own folks. Not only that, these people exhibit apathy towards those from other states as well. The only time when these mortals are united is when their team plays a cricket match, that too against the neighbouring country. And when the match concludes, the hatred re-emerges and they start fighting again. These humans brush their teeth and bath everyday; but their hearts are contaminated. We dogs stink of shit and don’t clean ourselves unless it rains, but we have the purest heart in the world. As a token of gratitude for the little bit of food tossed to us, we remain loyal to our owners forever. These humans should be ashamed of treating us as inferior. We deserve respect in this country. They can’t take us dogs for granted anymore. We need to fight for our rights until we get them.”

The master-dog paused, panting for breath, and the audience sat glued to him as if they were under a spell. And then a petite white puppy stood up on two legs and clapped. Soon the other dogs followed suit and gave a standing ovation to the speaker. Some dogs even turned emotional and developed goosebumps.

The orator, at the end of the speech, lavished a few words of praise for PETA activists. He also added that he was an ardent fan of the artists who had posed nude in an attempt to abolish animal products.

In the aftermath of this incident, several dogs have reportedly gone on a hunger strike across the country in protest against the injustice rendered to them. A group of dogs in some streets, turned around and positioned their tails erect in an attempt to replicate the middle-finger gesture. Not a single stray dog barked on the roads and this triggered panic among the residents who have got used that noise before going to bed. Many people admitted to have spent a sleepless night worrying about the dramatic change in the dogs’ behaviour.  However, the ‘mystery dog’ that delivered the hate speech was reported to be missing.

The BJP commented that terrorists from Pakistan could have trained the dog to disrupt peace and harmony in India by taking cue from Iran which had sent a monkey into space. Meanwhile, Union Home Minister Sushilkumar Shinde opined that it could be the handiwork of Hindu terrorists. But our faking news reporter claimed the creature had a weird accent and also the scarf it wore reeked of poor quality; so taking that into account, we believe the dog was ‘Made in China’.