Monday, 23rd October, 2017

DD Kisan to be launched to keep farmers busy, claim sources

29, May 2015 By dashy

Prime Minister Modi has gone ahead and launched a new channel specially for the Kisans (Farmers) of India. The Channel has been launched on the Door Darshan platform and will be catering specifically to the Kisan audience of the country.

My drunk sources have thoroughly investigated this story and have come up with some more details on it.

Farmers, get ready with TV!

The background music of the channel will be on the tune of “Mere Desh Ki Dharti Sona Ugle” played over and over in a loop. The Govt is also trying to rope in Manoj Kumar as the brand ambassador for the channel. If he doesn’t agree, it will be Amitabh Bachchan who promotes it.

Why Big B??? Coz he promotes everything and Dhoni is busy moping after his IPL loss.

However, till the time, the Brand Ambassador is finalized, DD Kisan will be showing the movies “Upkaar” and “Do Beegha Zameen” on a daily basis, pretty much like what SET Max does with “Sooryavansham”.

The Farmers are being encouraged to leave their daily work (they don’t have much work in any case) and watch the channel daily 24 X 7.

So that the Government can quickly take away their lands, while the Farmers are busy watching countless advertisements of Fair and Lovely and Pepsi on DD Kisan.

The Channel will also have its own Weather Department, which promises to be as accurate as all our other weather departments are.

There are also plans of an Android APP being launched specially for the Kisans. So those who don’t have access to TVs can use their Smartphones to access information on farming.

So, now, basically we will have farmers from #IIN too.

And No !!! This App is going to be nothing like #FarmVille, it will have better graphics and more realistic approach. It will even have a “Quit and Commit Suicide” Option.

And ofcourse, all farmers have TVs and Smartphones !!! How do you think they update their #Facebook status when they are about to commit suicide?

“Going to Hang Myself by that Tree —– With Lachu, Gajodhar and Family —- Feeling Dizzy” Khacchaak (Selfie). UPLOAD.

Disclaimer: Any rumors that the Kisan Channel or App has any relation to Kissan Jam or Ketchup is purely a figment of RaGa’s imagination.