Somewhere in Pakistan. India’s most wanted criminal Dawood Ibrahim has finally decided to surrender to Indian Authorities after a Delhi high court acquitted Sajjan Kumar, one of the prime accused in the 1984 anti-sikh riots case.
“Wow Man! all evidence pointing towards Sajjan Kumar’s involvement, so many witnesses, and still he walks out scot-free. This Indian judicial system is extremely cool and magnanimous and has utmost regards for the criminals and the hardwork they put in. I have full faith in Indian judiciary and the amenities offered by their jails to high profile gangsters like me,” heaved Dawood in awe.
“Plus as long as Justice Katju keeps coming up with his absurd mathematical and philosophical theories nobody can even touch hardened criminals like me. This time too I am confident of Katju’s skills to come up with any random reasoning that will spark a wave of sympathy in my favour,” added the underworld kingpin.
Apparently Dawood was so impressed by the way Indian Judiciary has handled this case that he now regrets not having surrendered earlier and getting over with it. “Had I shown this faith in Indian judiciary earlier and had surrendered, I would be an MP by now, openly extorting money from all and sundry,” said the 1993 Mumbai blasts mastermind.
“Indian judiciary is like condom, 99% safe for criminals. We have seen that bigger the crime, bigger is the generosity Indian judiciary displays. That’s why my lawyers have advised me to orchestrate 2-3 more bomb blasts and murders before I surrender to make my case stronger. So to begin with, I have decided to kill Shahid Afridi first for the baseless allegation he levelled against India as not being a large-hearted nation,” revealed the Karachi based gangster.
Sources tell Faking News that till sometime back, Dawood was not really sure when he saw Indian courts convicting and sentencing Babu Bajrangi and Maya Kodnani, but the recent brutal assault on Sarabjit Singh (which left him clinically dead) in Lahore Jail for no apparent reason and Pakistani supreme court sentencing him to death for no evidence against him shocked Dawood no end, and he immediately turned his tide in favour of Indian Authorities.
When asked then what is stopping him from surrendering right away he gave a one word response “Pranab Mukherjee”.