New Delhi; Amidst the recent announcement of Mr. Pranab Mukherjee and Mr. P.A. Sangma as the nominees for the presidential election, various Cow groups in India have demanded that a cow be nominated as the next president of India, as an animal (literally) have never been given a chance to be a president of a country anywhere around the world. The CRAP (Cow’s Right Avengers Party) leader, Ms. Subhasini Gai today held a press conference where she said, “As one of the biggest contributors to India’s Economy and a cultural symbol of India since ancient ages, we demand to be rightly appreciated of our work and be nominated to the President’s post”.
“Our grandfather is one of the animals of Indian emblem; our great great grandfather is seen in the relics of Indus valley civilization; it is because of us, India is the largest producer of dairy products. And to add that, we help to keep India clean by eating garbage lying by the side of the road. There is a report which says that Cows along with various animals are more responsible for the clearance of garbage in city and towns rather than the municipal corporation. This garbage in turn helps you to get milk and also biogas from our shit which runs half of India’s rural kitchen” Ms. Gai said. Ms. Gai, also said that Cows were no less than any humans and can do much more than the incumbent president, “We can surely fill the great void left by Madame President when she leaves the presidency, We can sit idle for days, be obscure, chew on whatever we get, which would be Union budget copy and various other official reports in a President’s case, and additionally we can easily help in lawn mowing the huge Rashtrapathi Bhavan Mughal Garden by grazing on its grasses, they are supposed to be delicious”.
Ms. Gai though accepted that they couldn’t shit as much as the congress party members put together. “We have certain limitations unlike theirs” she said. She added that every cow in India was in favor of electing Ms. Narayani Cowdi, as the preferred candidate from all the cows, as she was instrumental in changing the life’s of many in Gujarat by contributing to the Amul Revolution, by which India is number one producer and consumer of Dairy products in the world. “I’m very delighted and thankful to all my sisters, after winning, my first and foremost issue would be to meet the bulls of Spain and stop them from fighting with humans” Ms. Cowdi said forgetting that she was trying to be India’s president. Both Ms. Gai and Ms. Cowdi, have appealed to all the political leaders to support them.
Learning that Cows are demanding the President’s post, various monkey groups came forward to demand for the much ignored and largely unknown vice-president’s post. An MP (Monkey Party) leader, on term of anonymity said to faking news, “If a cow can be president, and donkeys various prime and cabinet ministers, we should at least be given a chance as a vice president, we have seen the current vice-president yelling in a futile attempt to calm down the Rajya sabha MP’s. You don’t need to worry about it anymore as a monkey can surely subdue their fellow mates in Rajya Sabha and ensure smooth functioning of the Parliament”.
Cows all around the country were seen appealing to Sonia Gandhi and in particular TN Chief Minister Jayalalitha with “Maaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!”