Sunday, 22nd October, 2017

Cows chewing up 4G Data speeds

12, Jul 2017 By rsachi

Slow data? Blame the Cows

If your 4G data speed sucks, blame the cows. Major telecom operators like Airtel, Jio. Vodafone, Idea etc. now say that cows on Indian roads are responsible for the slow data networks. These telcos have been constantly nagged by the public and TRAI for their abysmal data speeds on 4G/LTE connections.

As everyone knows, most Indian roads are littered with data cables and plastic waste. Cow owners have found it cheaper to let their cows roam fearlessly and chew up whatever comes their way all day.

Road Traffic and Data

Angry cow staring at your high-speed internet
Angry cow staring at your high-speed internet

Volvo buses and sleek Benzes and BMWs find it a great ordeal to snake their way through this cow and cow-dung mess on Indian roads. But surprisingly, these holy animals have also a determined way to chew up data speeds.

Everyone knows that most of the data zipping about in Indian networks from mobiles and 4G dongles is actually anything but holy. People are watching and sharing questionable stuff all the time. Proof enough is when you visit a Bank, a Post Office, or any government agency. The desk clerks always complain that the data speed is too low. You have to wait long to get any work done there. Why? Because all the speed has been gobbled up by wasted youth and impious oldies. They are browsing and watching all stupid or unholy stuff.

Holy Vigilantes

That’s when the cows walk in. They are holy animals with extra-human perception of the moral turpitude that besets the no-gooders toting their 4G devices. And our PM says they are 65% of our population.

The holy cows bite right away into the problem and gnaw at the bad stuff in the cables. The cow also retard the telecom techies trying to fix the cables and junction boxes by scaring them away as they zip past the cows on motorbikes wearing no helmets, either.

The 4G-touting telecoms confess that selling 4G data promise is easy, but with dwindling data capacities in their cable network, they have no ability or intention of you.

When last investigated, the Telecom ministry has recommended to the Culture and Heritage ministry to go slow on the holy cow agenda and stop these roadside vigilantes from stopping India’s digital march.