Saturday, 24th March, 2018

Censor Board to ban movies which glorify consent

07, Jul 2017 By Tanish Ganjoo

MUMBAI: Considering Indian audience’s sensibilities, Censor Board of Film certification (CBFC) has declared to ban any movie that glorifies or exemplifies consent. The decision was taken after a meeting between board of directors consisting both men and women. Men wanted to ban the glorification of consent while women in the panel wanted to promote it. But, it was men’s decision in the end, and women in the panel weren’t even asked for their consent.

The decision has been lauded by Bollywood’s script writers, as they now don’t have to think out-of the box to justify consent in their scripts. Talking to our reporter, script-writer cum novelist cum columnist cum investment banker cum (never mind) Chetan Bhakt said, “This is a great step towards country’s growth. We have never seen such a reform before. At a time when our soldiers are fighting at the siachen, we all need to get together as a unit and support this decision”.

We had to cut him mid-way because he was confusing it to be some political interview. He also said he will apologise for his goof-up only after 2019.

Another Bollywood script-writer Plagiarism kumar said that it will now be difficult to copy (he meant inspire) from Hollywood. Adding to the positive statements was tattoo enthusiast cum part-time TV presenter cum high flying director Show-hit reddy who said, “It’s a really great step. It was long over-due. This will make our movies more relatable. There is nothing called consent. It’s just a western conspiracy.”

Censor Board has also decided to showcase “Ranjhaana” in schools to promote healthy habit of stalking. Through this movie, they want to spread the message of “Consent is non-existent”, just like unicorn, mermaid and drug menace in Punjab. They have also sent a legal notice to producers of “Pink” for their movie, which was misrepresentational and mis-judging in nature.

The audience however , seems very confused. 90% of the audience didn’t even knew that such a word exists. Talking to our correspondent, one of the movie-goer named Creepy pandey said,”I have been preparing for GRE and know a great deal of complex words, but never have i ever heard such a word. When i googled the meaning of the word, I was shocked and disgusted at the impracticality of the word. How can this be even possible.”

The female section, both in movie industry and audiences, were largely unperturbed by the decision. The women in industry were grateful and contended just by appearing on screen. They also felt that, by removing ‘consent’ thing completely, we can act more naturally. The women in audience were also grateful to the men in audience for letting them watch movies. they couldn’t have asked for more.

All in all, this decision has been welcomed by the society. And by society, we meant Men. Women had to oblige (as if they have a choice).

In the meantime, UNESCO decides to award ‘Consent’ as the worst “FICTIONAL” word of the year.