Tuesday, 17th October, 2017

BMC to rope-in Mark Zuckerberg to work on an algorithm to count potholes in Mumbai

21, Jul 2017 By Vijay Assudani

BMC has taken a serious note of the flak that it faced on social media, over the conditions of Mumbai roads in monsoon. And in an unprecedented move, it has decided to get help from none other than Mark Zuckerberg. No, it is not asking Facebook to delete the profiles of all those who have dared to question BMC’s competence.

Mark Zuckerberg finding it difficult to figure out the appropriate algorithm for Mumbai potholes
Mark Zuckerberg finding it difficult to figure out the appropriate algorithm for Mumbai potholes

In fact, they are collaborating with the founder of Facebook to help them crack the code of accurately counting the number of potholes in Mumbai. Sources close to us have informed that the idea was sparked from the scene in the movie The Social Network (based on Mark Zuckerberg’s story behind making of Facebook) where Mark is seen (along with his friends) cracking an algorithm for Facemash. The idea is to not only accurately count the total number of potholes in Mumbai, but also to rank them. No, the ranking is not according to the attractiveness of a pothole (that was for Facemash), but according to their depth and severity. The potholes, would be classified in one of the following three categories:

A – The Adolescent Khadda

It is not a full-fledged ‘pot’ yet, but just a small ‘pit’, a small indentation, the size of a small katori or a cutting-chai cup.

B – The Backache Khadda

This is the medium category pothole. It is potent enough to cut the life of your suspensions and spine by half, each time your vehicle falls into it. The BMC is in the process of putting up some of the best orthopedic doctors on its medical panel, especially for this category of potholes. You just need to log in the pin code of the area where you encountered this pothole, and you will be directed to the nearest orthopedic doctor (or a bone-setter, depending whether you are in the West or the East).

C – The Galactic Crater (or The ICU Khadda, like some call it)

Our thoughts and prayers with you, if you happen to fall in one of these. It is the biggest of them and it is further divided into two categories: a) Casualty Ward Pothole, & b) ICU Pothole

We have also heard from our trusted (BIS approved) sources that some noted wildlife experts and tiger conservationists have also been roped-in for the pothole counting project. Mr. Magarmachwala, a renowned wildlife enthusiast said, “Counting potholes is like counting tiger pugmarks, raised to the power of n (where n ≠ no. of seats in BMC)”.

The project has been accorded top-priority and shall be undertaken by BMC as soon as it is done taking offence at the song by a popular Radio Jockey and the anguish of a countless other not-so-popular citizens!