Friday, 15th December, 2017

Baba Ramdev launches Patanjali Institute of Management

23, Jul 2016 By Kunal Kalkundri

Haridwar: ‘Education is as important as exercise’ said the part time yoga full time business-guru Baba Ramdev as he announced his latest venture- Patanjali Institute of Management. ‘Backward Integration’, said Baba Ramdev, reading from the notes that he had made on his hand as he started explaining his decision to start a B-school. Stunned by the management jargon a young journalist asked him about his views on Backward Integration to which an angry Baba swiftly replied, “Haven’t you seen my latest India Today cover?”.

When probed about the need for starting this b-school Baba explained, “Usually there is no rationale for any business decision I take but this one is a bit different. While doing Trikona Aasana yesterday I was told that the director of a famous b-school in western India was waiting for me. He said that he wanted us to recruit management trainees from his institute and started telling me how to keep a high variable to inflate the salary etc”. Baba then took a chai-kapalbhati break and said that he would resume answering questions in exactly 14 minutes.

Baba Ramdev during induction program of his first batch
Baba Ramdev during induction program of his first batch

The news of Patanjali Insititute of Management spread like wild fire and the newly appointed HRD minister got turned on at this prospect. He immediately called up Baba to tell him all permissions for the college have already been granted to which Baba replied that 3 cartons of Kesh Kanti would reach the Pune address of the minster within an hour to return the favor. Smriti though felt extremely bad when an unimportant textile ministry secretary told her about the developments.

“Baba is back”, said an energized attention seeking Ramdev as he prepared to complete the perfectly logical crap he had begun. “But sir how are you making windfall profits only after the Modi government has come to power?” asked a journalist thinking it will be a ‘burning question’ and his noisy boss will appreciate it. “You and your to be children will never get an admission in PIM”, quipped a furious Baba. “So if the best b-schools want to send their kids to my Patanjali why shouldn’t I start one of my own? After all, all I do to products is to copy them and add a ‘P’! Though I call the products Ayurvedic, probably Vedic would make more sense here for education”. Stunned by the not-so-sound logic given by Baba the journalists were offered (read made compulsory) a glass of Patanjali Aloe Vera juice to digest what they just heard.

Sources within Patanjali though have confirmed to Faking News that the real motive behind starting the B-school is to educate the old managers of Patanjali who do not have a management degree with all the latest management jargon- something which the new lateral entries from HUL and P&G use to back their flawed arguments and make it look cool.

A famous astrologer who claims to have given unsolicited consultancy to Ramdev said that it was on his advice that Baba named it PIM and not PIIM as the combination of I, I,P, M ends on a very bad note in the education sector.

Baba then personally called up his good friend NaMo who was busy packing his bags for the next International Visit to block dates for the convocation of the first batch. Baba was later told that it takes two years for an MBA course to get over and that the dates required were actually for next year.