Tuesday, 17th October, 2017

August 2nd to be declared as Porn Divas and a national holiday

05, Aug 2015 By Kshitiz Sudhakar

After the infamous #PornBan, India is going crazy in support as well as criticism of this decision by the government of India. Amid the chaotic protest mostly on social media people were heard strategizing for a Dharna in Jantar Mantar in the signature style of Arvind Kejriwal. Giving a massive blow to this decision a BJP minister Milton Singh in a press release said that government will declare August 2nd as PORN DIVAS in order to immortalize the freedom of porn in India.

Milton Singh further said that future generation must know about the Porn Revolution which took Indian social media by storm. They must be aware of how everyone openly watched porn at any place be it a bedroom, local buses, public toilets, metro trains or even a parliament assembly. The dying business of piracy has come to a sudden.

The market (mostly Truck and Auto Drivers) of B and C grade movies (nearly semi porn), has started registering their voice  in ridiculing the move!
The market (mostly Truck and Auto Drivers) of B and C grade movies (nearly semi porn), has started registering their voice in ridiculing the move!

The CD sellers are very happy about the ban because now they will finally be able to distribute porn for Rs 20 like they used to do in the late 90’s and early 2000’s from their so-called audio video cassette shop. They added that they still remember the good old days when people used to come to their shop to purchase Porn CD/DVD’s but initially would shy in asking for it, but they were easily able to spot the “Hawas”/lust in their shy colorful eyes and would directly serve them from the latest lot with their favorite genre and all they could do was give a smile and then choose which one to go for.

A teenage shared a story with us about how he got to see the porn for the first time, he said he used to purchase latest pirated Bollywood video songs for rs 20 from a makeshift CD shop but one day after he got one such CD in which he was expecting to watch “Shiela ki Jawani” song from the flopped movie “Tees Maar Khan”, he was horrified to find a completely different Shiela in a compromising position. From that day to this, he has been a die-hard fan of that Shiela. We asked a few more youngsters about their reaction on #PornBan and declaration of Porn Divas, many of them supported the cause and said, Yes, It is a welcome step to check the population of India. The ones who criticized the same said that they are definitely pissed with the ridiculous decision. One of them named Vasu said that they should have at least informed us about the #PornBan in advance so that we could have made a lifetime backup. Trust me, people with 2/3/4 TB’s of hard-disk full with porn are the luckiest on earth at this moment. I have had a chat with one of my engineer cousin who said “Bhai, tension nahi lene ka, apne Hostel 4 k laundon k pass bahot backup hai”.

This statement cooled me down but still our freedom, choice, genre everything is flushed down the gutter and now to add salt to our wounds, the shitty government has decided to declare a PORN DIVAS? I mean why? Every year you want to celebrate the banning of porn? What will we answer to our child in the future when he will ask, “Daddy what is Porn and why is it a Porn Divas today?” They should have the right to know about the porn themselves. No? He said it’s not that we cannot access porn online, it’s just that we will have to download in bulk without knowing the genre, style and place of origin. It’s disgusting he said, you don’t know about the double standards of these guys who are supporting this #PornBan. They are the ones who watch it the most and never accept it. Go check their hard-disk or phone or browsing history if you find nothing, hang me naked wherever you want.

The frustration surely is too much among the young India but PORN DIVAS has come as a welcome news for government employees as they will get one extra day to spend leisurely or may be trying to figure out ways to watch porn. There soon will be articles flooded on the Internet like 10 ways you can still watch your favorite porn and enjoy Maggie along, till then read this and have fun.