Thursday, 17th August, 2017

Assorted tweets: Celebrities' New Year resolution

01, Jan 2014 By bhasadeswar

Priyanka-Chopra
Will she and others stick by their resolution?

Politicians

Narendra Modi: I will write my own blog. Gujrat, Mitron, Bharat Mata ki Jai, Hunkaar, Punja. Did I mention Gujrat?

Rahul Gandhi: I will not roll up my sleeves. However, I would not be able to do it alone. I will need your support to hold my sleeves in case it attains its escape velocity. Under-root-2-G-M-upon-r. I know it so I flaunt it.

Sazia Ilmi: I will not use more than 500 adjectives in one debate. This is first-of-its-own-kind, immaculate, spectacular, mind-boggling, exciting and definitively an honest resolution.

Kumar Vishwas: I will improve my english. Hand ke punje mein lotus flower.

Yogendra Yadav: I will not quantify anything. The odds of my doing so is quite high. Say, 98.976%.

Digvijay Singh: I will defend my own son who is an MLA now. I am done with Sonia’s responsibility. why should queens have all the fun!

Sachin Pilot: I will confront Rahuljee. I will do it under the “imperial” aegis of Congress vice-president himself.

Sonia Gandhi: I will not talk to Manmohan jee. Email and Whatsapp are OK.

Shashi Tharoor: I will talk more in Hindi. Last year I spoke 12 Hindi words, and if you count distinct words, it is more than that of Modi. His count is 10 and the list is: Mitron, Bharat, Mata, Ki, Jai, Saathiyon, Hunkaar, Punja, Samman and Khooni.

Akhilesh Yadav: I will replace the map of UP with that of Safai. UP’s first all-weather swimming pool will surely be delivered on time.

Mayawati: Caste will never be my first question about anything. My first tweet of 2014. Does anyone know what’s its [Twitter] caste?

Arvind Kejriwal: I will not tweet about household chores. Sorry, need to rush..bartan dhona hai…God, Allah, Bhagwan Shantabai ko galat din beemar kiya. BTW, Shantabai is also CM.

Manmohan Singh:

Entertainers

Amitabh Bacchan: I will not ask anyone about his/her economic condition in Kaun Banega Crorepati. Aise itne paise aapke liye kya mayene rakhte hai!?

Aamir Khan: I will watch more english movies. So, when someone approaches me with an inspired-script, I can figure out different shades of my character. Perfect!

Priyanka Chopra: I will talk slowly and sensibly. Oh-my-god-i-am-so-excited-i-feel-like-ketty-perry-hahaha-i-love-mumbai-police.

Cricketers

Sachin Tendulkar: I will not play for records. Tomorrow, I will be playing my 1000th gulli-cricket innings. Excited about it!

M S Dhoni: I will count even if I lose. In South Africa, one-day series was spoilt because of rain and we had one draw in test series.

Virat Kohli: I will control my aggression. @#$%^&*! ek din mein kya gandhijee ban jaunga. 

Journalists

Sagarika Ghose: HI THERE! I will not buy more than 300 sarees this year.

Arnab Goswami: I will not force anyone to answer my question. You have to tell me whether you are convinced with my resolution or not.

Miscellaneous

Anna Hazare: Right to recall, right to reject, decentralization of power, Swaraj.

Abhishek Bacchan: I will do something. Jai Dixit rocks!

Navjot Singh Sidhu: I will not relish obscene joke. Ohh guru thoko taali bajao seeti….chadh gayi cheeti…mar gaya hathi…chhaa gaya guru!