Jodhpur. In a closed interview in the jail, Asaram Bapu has told the media that he will soon adopt Tarun Tejpal as his elder son and also as his heir to the asharam. He took this decision when he saw that Tarun Tejpal resembles him in looks as well as in his acts. His original son Narayan Sai was overwhelmed with joy on knowing that he will now have a Big Brother with whom he can play all those games he missed in his childhood, especially the gilli-danda.
On being asked for his views on sexual allegations on Tejpal, he said, “galati ek taraf se nahi hoti hai…taali ek haath se nahi bajhti…aur chutney samose bina nahi khaayi jaati…” According to him the victim is to be equally blamed because, she entered the lift with Tejpal. She could have used the staircase instead of the lift. Walking down the stairs promotes health too, he said. It reduces blood-sugar levels and the cholesterol level and burns calories in the body (immediately confirmed with Yoga-Gurus like Baba Ramdev, Mrs. Shilpa Shetty Kundra and Mrs. Lara Dutta Paes-Bhupathi). It also builds strength in your lower body; he naughtily winked at our female correspondent (name undisclosed), thus attracting another case of sexual harrassment.
On being asked about the future plans, he said he plans to form a NGO named Protection and Eviction of Rapists from jail and Virtual Education of Rapes to Tharkis and Sex-addicts (shortly known as PERVERTS) and he along with his sons Tejpal and Narayan Sai and Shri ND Tiwari will fight for the justice to Sex-offenders through this organization.
“On being caught, we sex-offenders are often harassed by police, victim’s relatives and media too. To err is human and we have erred, therefore we are human beings too… (Hence proved). There is no one to stand for our rights, but there is everyone to stand against our wrongs. So the time has come for all the sex-addicts and rapists to come together, stand united and fight for their justice, their existence.” He also claimed that prominent international offenders like Silvio Berlusconi, Italian PM and former head of the IMF Dominique Strauss-Kahn have shown interests in joining the organization thus making it an international organization. The objective of the organization shall be to train its members to commit sex-crimes in such a way that they undergo minimum sentences or escape punishments wherever possible.
This has raised a ray of hope amongst sexual-offenders all over the world. Letters have started flowing in requesting to become a lifetime member of PERVERTS.
He, finally claimed that he and his sons are the real life “Yamla, Pagla Deewanaa” trio who used to dupe people for money and that they plan to claim royalty from the producers of the movie which will also help finance the activities of PERVERTS.
However this claim has heavily angered Singh Saab the Great. “If you ask for any royalty, you and your sons will be missing a head” growled the fiercely bearded 60 year old. Singh Saab further promised to send, the remaining bones of Asaram and his sons, go tad tad tad tad tad tad tad tad tad, so that they don’t have a boner anymore!! (background music plays….Singghhhh Saaaahhaabbb theee gr888888…)