Tuesday, 21st November, 2017

Arindam Chaudhuri offers to avenge Pakistan army’s attack on Indian soldiers

16, Aug 2013 By Myopic Visionary

What any Indian politico or parliamentarian could not dare to do, beyond mere emotionally charged rhetoric, inside or outside the Indian Parliament, Management Guru and Director of IIPM, Arindam Chaudhuri has done it, yet again.

Next Sunny Deol.
Next Sunny Deol.

The maverick professor has taken on his broad shoulders the responsibility to avenge the death of the Indian soldiers at the hands of the Pakistan rangers, by volunteering to take on India’s rogue neighbor single-handedly.

So what is that special thing that Arindam Chaudhuri has decided to do? Our Delhi bureau chief visited the professor and had a frank talk with him on his bold plans. Here we have picked up some of the questions and answers for our readers:

Q. Mr. Chaudhuri, you have recently announced in a full page advertisement of your institute that you want to teach Pakistan a lesson that they would never forget ever. So what are your plans?

A. Let me be very clear at the beginning of this interview, address me as Professor Chaudhuri. No one dares to address me otherwise. Now that the point has been made, I believe, I will take your questions. Well, you see, over the past few years, the Indian government and many other individuals – some sponsored by my competitors and some out of personal animosity – have tried to tarnish the image of my institute and me. I was looking for an opportunity to make them all go dumb someday, and that day is here today. As a tribute to my motherland and the great Indian dream that I cherish, I have decided to open an IIPM campus in Islamabad.

Q. An IIPM campus in Islamabad? But how does that help you in avenging the death of our soldiers that you have so dramatically announced in the recent advertisement of your institute, Professor?

A. There lies the plan you see (flashing a big smile and rubbing his palms together, Arindam straightens up excitedly). Yes, I have decided to open an IIPM campus in Islamabad and in some years, other parts of Pakistan as well. Only the name would be PIPM – Pakistan Institute of Planning & Management. There are 2 advantages for me – one, I will no longer fall within the purview of AICTE or those money-sucking and corrupt Indian regulators and second, I will get an opportunity to grow my market beyond India, where I have been losing my sheen of late.

Q. But Professor, you seem to not answer the question. How will an institute in Pakistan help you to avenge the death of the Indian soldiers?

A. You are a real fool it seems. Guys like you become journalists, god knows how! You should have studied at my institute to know that. Against every Indian soldier who falls dead at the border, I will ensure thousands of brain dead Pakistani youths created at PIPM. We have a reputation of creating the dumbest and sub-standard students in India, a model mastered by us over the past 40 years, which we are going to replicate in Pakistan now. So that in the next 20 years, all students who come out of our institutes in Pakistan would turn out to be the most non-intellectual, brain dead citizen to have ever born in any country. Since they would not get jobs, they would not vote for their government. They would all raise their voices against their own government, destabilizing the government and would even take onto the streets, rioting and protesting the way it happened in Egypt. These guys would virtually help India to take over Pakistan at no extra aggression and Pakistan would finally accede to India. Once and for all, it’s not only Kashmir, but the entire Pakistan becomes a part of this nation. So you see, India would not only avenge the death of all its soldiers, but would also get back Pakistan, which was always a part of India before those red-faced ‘angrez’ devils got the better of Nehru and Gandhi to make them part away with Pakistan.

Q. How are you so confident that this is going to work?

A. Over the past so many years, I have dared to think beyond the IIMs and it has worked for me here in India. I would run campaigns in Pakistan media – “Dare to Think Beyond Kashmir…” and every nationalist Pakistani parent would happily send their kids to our institute. Even the government would subsidize the education of Pakistani kids at our institute. We would also run executive development programme for Pakistani Army officials. I have plans to also institute awards in Pakistan and award Hafiz Muhammad Saeed. You see, he has a fan following in Pakistan the way we have a fan following for Anna Hazare. So all these integrative efforts would result in realizing the final objective of taking over Pakistan, slowly and gradually. (He chuckles to himself, with immense satisfaction)

Q. Do you expect any support from the Indian government, in return for your patriotism?

A. Yes, only one. I would only request the government and all its machinery to stop pushing me over the edge any further. What I mean is that, it would be really great if all pending cases against my institute or me are withdrawn instantaneously, so that I may concentrate in ruining Pakistan, leaving my institute in India to run peacefully.

Although the discussion with Arindam Chaudhuri went on longer and there were many more questions, our editor found those quite inappropriate and beyond the scope of our publications.