Saturday, 22nd July, 2017

Anna to hold breath instead of fasting

08, Jan 2014 By Rohit Agnihotri

Veteran social worker and activist Anna Hazare shocked the nation today by saying that he is changing his method of protests. Instead of carrying out hunger strikes, Anna will now hold his breath, during his agitations against the governments.

Anna taking a deep breath  before giving a demo of his new method.
Anna taking a deep breath while giving a demo of his new method.

Addressing a huge gathering of press reporters at his native village Ralegan Siddhi, Anna was in a seemingly good mood, with joyful eyes and optimistic tone.

“I have been fasting for over two decades now but am unable to do so anymore, this should not be attributed to my old age or health. This is a decision that I have made after careful deliberation. While going to toilet in the morning today, I was searching for something to read and I came across two items, Arvind’s mathematics book and a popular youth magazine. As I take long in the toilet, I took both with me.”

“While reading the contents of Arvind’s book, I calculated that, I have now fasted on over 15 occasions and the total numbers of day I have fasted are over 120. The average period of fasting is around eight days. This made me realize that politicians are not even paying attention to the agitations for the first five-six days. On the same lines I recall an incident, during one of my agitations in Delhi. It was my fifth day of fasting and I heard a politician say to another that, abe chod, buddhe ki mileage baut hai, kuch nae hoga (The old man have lot of stamina, nothing will happen). I rubbished the though as that moment, thinking that I have heard incorrectly. But now when I look in retrospect, this is exactly what was told.”

“Also, while going through the youth magazine, I realized that the youth of today liked everything to be fast and furious. Serve them fast food, fast relationships or even a fast movie and they grab it with both hands.”

“Thus based on the enlightenment I achieved during shitting, I decided on a new modus operandi, I will not fast but hold my breath during my agitations. This will work in my advantages on two fronts, the politicians will be forced to take quicker decisions and the youth will associate with me,” Anna said during the press conference.

Anna’s press conference has created quite a stir in the political fraternity and among Indian youths. When contacted by Faking News reporter, a politician on condition of anonymity said that “Ye sab natak baut dekhe hain, isse kuch nae hoga. We will find a way out.”

Indian youth has also reacted strongly on the announcement and have promised Anna to support him, if he builds his abs and include some glamorous actress in his agitations.

Rahul Gandhi also commented on the news saying that holding breath and requirement of oxygen is just a state of mind and thus it can be done for 10-15 days. He also added that he used to do it on a regular basis during his college days.