Wednesday, 21st February, 2018

Analysts forecast major reshuffle in activist ratings in Q4 2014-15

09, Apr 2015 By spatone

International rating agency, BitchRatings, stopped just short of downgrading Arundhati Sauve’s long-standing 5-star rating when it put her on a watch alert and changed her outlook to ‘negative’ from ‘stable’ after the “Corporate NGO” jibe aimed at Mahatma Gandhi.

“By mentioning the corporates and NGO in the same sentence, Ms. Sauve has quite irresponsibly put a spotlight on a nexus that we had quite painstakingly kept under the wraps. Such shoddy remarks are unbecoming of an industry veteran”, commented neutral observer Sagarika Posh. Sources also attribute Arundhati Sauve’s unjustifiable absence from the Maoist infested lawns of a certain Delhi-based University and unused activism armchairs recovered from her residence as factors that may have necessitated such a drastic revision of consensus for rating agencies’ erstwhile darling.

NGO meet to cultivate some fruitful outcomes for the Indian market
NGO meet to cultivate some fruitful outcomes for the Indian market

“These are exciting times for the industry. The quarter ending March 2015 has seen several pro activists once again become eligible to be rated after failed political stints”, said Bhupendra Chaubey, an intern with the Indian rating agency SICKRA, as he readied initiating coverage reports on Pareshan Bhushan, Pollendra Yadav and Beda Gark Patekar. “This internship has been a great opportunity and if I play my cards right I may land my dream placement like Ashutosh ji and Ashish Shaitan ji”, Chaubey admitted cheekily.

The activism sector was almost written off as a sunset industry an year ago with the ascendancy of a right wing government despite years of contrarian efforts by the stalwarts of the sector. However, untiring efforts of a few adarsh liberals, who refused to bow down to neo-nazism in its knackered avatar and courted foreign investors like Fraud Foundation, have helped in reviving the sector. However there is no dearth of poorly rated laggards either. “Look no further than Kailash Maharathi. Despite churning credible performances every quarter, not a single Indian analyst used to track his results until his overseas recognition. It was disappointing to see him squander an opportunity granted to him on a platter by our foreign masters, by not bashing either the Hindus or the Males”, lamented Khajdeep Gaay-kasai while sipping Old Monk in his balcony and throwing copies of his book at the passersby in the street below.

Meanwhile, Ramkrishna Mission debuted with a single star in the institutional rating list after the Belur Math blasts managed to find a passing mention in a stray report. Green-fleece, with its numerous subsidiaries across the globe continues to top the list.