Last week, Home Minister Rajnath Singh stirred a controversial storm by hailing Maharana Pratap as Greatest while belittling Akbar the Great. To discuss about this, we met with an eminent historian Sanam Gubdi, who was busy in his evening prayer. After the prayer, our interview started.
Faking News Reporter (FNR): What do you think about the recent controversial statement by Rajnath that Akbar is not that greater than Rana Pratap?
Sanam Gubdi (SG) (shouted): Akbar nahin, Akbar the Great bolo…(he then turned calm)That comment offended me. This kind of hate speech is expected from Sangh groups. Poor Muslims have to bear all these kinds of mental persecution. We are all proud of the great Mughals who ruled the ancestors of these Sanghis. They had been living under the pity of our great forefathers from Middle East. They do not know about the greatness of Akbar the Great. Do you know that Akbar the Great is a pioneer in reducing carbon footprint?
FNR: Wow! That seems to be an exciting info. Please explain.
SG: Every human in this world leaves behind carbon footprint. Hindus used to burn the dead people. This was impacting the early Indian sky like anything. Even NASA during Akbar the Great’s time had released satellite images of skies above Hindu cremation places being invisible due to dense smoke. To counter the growing threat of global warming due to more number of Hindus in India, Akbar the Great developed an excellent scientific system.
FNR: What scientific system?
SG: Few centuries before Akbar the Great, a great scientific treatise was written to get rid of all these climate threatening practices. Akbar the Great implemented those scientific experiments in his most favorite subjects – Hindus. He will allow his army to stop flow of blood from torso to head of Hindus by removing neck. After the head is taken away from the body, he will place them all to raise towers. By this way, communal Hindu subjects will not burn the body and leave it to the eagles. Thereby, an entire ecosystem was saved. Also, it served as a watchtower. Some Hindus stopped their foolish indigenous cultures and turned scientific so that they could watch those watchtowers from outside.
FNR: Ok. How did Akbar the Great curbed population?
SG: Fool! By removing people from the gene pool and by denying the passage of DNA, Akbar the Great reduced population. To be specific, he was more specific in increasing scientific population and reduced the communal, bigoted, fascist, rabid, fundamentalist, right wing Hindutva elements from the society. Thus, he reduced global warming and overpopulation in a single stroke. But small kings like Rana Pratap prevented Akbar the Great from doing such innovative things to Hindus and that is why he cannot be as Great as Akbar the Great. Not only this, whenever Akbar used to invade any Hindu kingdom, their women used to turn hot. Such is his masculinity and stardom that other Hindu kings failed to achieve. It is this stardom of Akbar the Great that still makes people who want to reduce population shout his name while doing such experiments.
FNR: Really impressive. I’m too sad that my communal ancestors were not as much gifted to ‘stop living’ under the rule of Akbar the Great.