In a revelation that could stun all aspiring terrorists world over, Afzal Guru (a martyr for terrorists) has been given 72 Virgin mobiles after reaching hell. A visibly devastated Afzal Guru was extremely angry and blasted Mullahs and all those who preach Jihad.
“Holy Shit man. This is all hoax. Of all the mobiles they had only Virgin to give. Man even a second hand pager would have been better. That bearded ass***e was lying to me all along. I was doing my MBBS when he approached me with his ridiculous ideas. Had I done my MBBS, I would have still had some chance of getting a virgin girl back on earth. Even if that had not happened, at least I would have been happily duping rich people by mouthing random shit like Deepak Chopra!” Afzal said.
He went on to add, “And this is not where it ends. In addition to this they have been showing me movies of Uday Chopra, Fardeen Khan etc ever since I landed here. Man where are the silent movies of Sunny Leone as promised?”
Our sources have told us that Osama bin Laden too is being shown dubbed Arabic versions of such movies. Apparently he has seen so many awful movies now that he has turned into a critic there and operates as Osama Adarsh. Now he gives 4 stars to even Chunky Pandey starrers.
Afzal Guru also holds a grouse against common Indian people. He says, “At least the people of India could have stood by me. I was only trying to fulfill their desire by wiping out politicians so what if I didn’t succeed. Now me and Kasab are protesting this Sunday against all such Mullahs feeding dog shit to young men.”
Meanwhile in India an aspiring Jihadi Aatank Shaikh thanked Faking News. “I was really preparing hard for the JEE to get into top organizations like LeT, Al Qaida, JeM etc as the competition is getting tougher by day. But you guys saved my life by bringing this news,” he said, as many more echoed his views.