Tuesday, 17th October, 2017

After children below the age of 14, Government allows sperms to work in family enterprises

25, May 2015 By rajatbhateja

In a rare prudent move, the Union Cabinet has allowed for sperms in a father’s testicles to assist in family businesses and family enterprises. The new provisions are part of the official amendments to the Vicky Donor Sperm Labour (Prohibition & Regulation) Amendment Bill, 2009.

The sperms can be employed only in non-hazardous family enterprises with a condition that they would be made to do these jobs after ejaculation time, for obvious reasons. Once out, they cannot be reinstated in the testicles as new sperms.

The official statement stated, “While considering a total prohibition on the employment of a sperm, it would be judicious to also keep in mind the country’s social fabric and socio-economic conditions.”

A confused sperm trying to understand the law
A confused sperm trying to understand the law

A source closed to the Ministry of Sperm Development said, “Everyday millions and millions of sperms are left to die on a tissue paper or a toilet seat. We believe in appropriate utilization of resources, hence the Cabinet has made the bold move to allow the sperms to work in family enterprises.”

Once sperms complete their share of work, the sperm’s father/guardian will have the option to freeze them and continue making them work or ask them to go back to die on a tissue paper.

However, Indian Sperms Association (ISA), the autonomous body for the emancipation and well being of sperms, has opposed the move saying it violates sperm rights. Their spokesperson, Mr. Testicular Kumar remarked, “Already the sperms have an extremely low success rate of 1 in a million. The nature was cruel to them and now you also want them to work for you. Sperms cannot even protest at Jantar Mantar. They will die in Delhi’s heat. Hence, we are organizing a protest to oppose this amendment in the Himalayas. At least, the atmosphere is amiable there to our sperms.”

Meanwhile, the government maintains a stern stand regarding the provisions and it seems unlikely that the sperms will get what they want.