Jantar Mantar: Fulfilling yet another poll promise, Aam Aadmi Party supremo Arvind Kejriwal cut a ribbon to mark what would be an intensely gratifying and orgasmic move for frustrated honest men throughout the country.
The occasion marked the launch of Honestmatrimony.com, a pair bonding site promising to match honestly misunderstood guys with girls honestly out of their league. Also launched on the occasion was as a helpline and call center to lodge complaints against libidinous predators who get the girl by being more sexy, having more balls and demonstrating better hygeine. The decision made by SMS based poll was unanimous to expose and shame such players publicly as “badmaash“, “eve-teaser” or worst of all – “baimaan“.
To cheers of his supporters, Mr Kejriwal took the dais and encourage them to conduced Sting operations to tape being insulted by catty girls and use the evidence in court as violation of their individual dignity. He encouraged them to record being teased for their poor tastes and choices in life, or while being called dweebs, creeps or napunsak.
Mr Bharti who was wearing a cap that said Main hun M.L.A (Mobster of Legislative Assembly) told the crowd.
“Aaandhi aa gayi hai, Krantiii aa gayii hai. Nice guys no longer have to finish last. Baimaano ko nahi milegi ab tumhaari bandi. Haath ka Saath nahi hai aur manzoor, Nahi sahenge, Nahi sahenge, Bolo Halla-Bol!”
To which the crowd cheered “Haribol”. Chaos ensued as some progressive groups protested the offensive and sexist nature of his statements, however the situation was soon brought under control by Mr Kejriwal’s hysterics, as he tried to hang himself with the muffler around his face and challenged them “Mujhe hi maar do .. agar isse AAP logon ki desperation kamm ho jati hai”.
For his own safety, Mr Kejriwal had to be lead away into an ambulance by policemen who seized his arms and legs and Doctor Yo Ya, known as the sane voice of the party, took charge in his absence and addressed his restless constituency.
“It is a known fact that 20% of charming men get 80% of female attention. What we need is sexual socialism for the weaker segments from both genders of society.”
Galvanized by the speeches, Bunty, a mobile phone dealer from Gaffar Market was passionate about the matchmaking website said, “Arvind Sir said just like him and Anna, crores have been spent to keep me and Babli apart by her rich husband who works for Ambani.” Bunty claimed before offering to show his Honestmatrimony.com profile.
The first of its kind matrimony website will take a serious view of common but unfair dating rituals such as unctuous flattery while monitoring exchange of compliments, cheesy pick-up lines and bad poetry (except by Kumar Vishwas).
It solicits strictly 100% honest information, including photos without makeup from brides-to-be and encourages men not to over-report and women to not under-report their ‘number’. In a first Premium membership is not paid but based on honesty reward points, such as Bunty’s profile, which is the highest level: Arvind Kejriwal endorsed.
Name: Bunty Imaandaar
Sex: Yes, In dreams
Profession: self-employed, chor bazaar
Looks: Mirror cracking material
Favorite quote: Hum aapke hain kaun? just joking baby 😉
First love: My class teacher
Your true ‘Number’: Only practice girlfriends, except some chaalu girls who keeps emailing me with exciting offers but never replies hehe..
Idea of perfect first date: Breathing loudly, ogling below neckline, talking about my mother, asking honestly when she wants children.
“I don’t understand why I am only getting views from other guys.” Bunty laments the fact, even though his profile picture is himself in a wet t-shirt in a clear imitation of his icon Arvind Kejriwal. Despite being a romantic failure Bunty refuses to believe he won’t get a hot date anytime soon and continues his belief in the Aam Aadmi Ideal.
“Lets wait, the website has only been in operation for a few days,” he said “While other websites like shaadi and jeevansathi which use corrupt practices have been in operation for decades, why don’t you question them? give Arvind Sir time to change your life.”