Monday, 26th February, 2018

A tête-à-tête with Hanumanji

14, Jul 2012 By dumb doc

He served the human race throughout several epochs protecting it from the wrath of evil forces. But like a bolt from the blue the world woke up yesterday to the sad demise departure of Dara Singh Hanumanji, who finally bid adieu to this Earth in the early hours yesterday. Faking News finally caught up with Hanumanji at his sprawling mansion in the Indralok to find out what actually transpired into a decision to leave the Earthlings all of a sudden. Hanumanji gave our reporter a warm welcome and opened up quite well into the interview: (Excerpts from the interview)

Q – Tell us about your birth and how you came to dwell on the Earth. A – I was born to Anjani and Kesari by the blessing of the wind God, Vayu. As a monkey, the supreme primate form I was assigned the task of helping the lesser human race whenever it fell on difficult times. For the same reason I was also known as the Sankat Mochak.

Q – Tell us something about your divine powers. A – For the purpose of safeguarding the human race against evil forces I was blessed by the deities with divine powers. I get my speed and agility from Vayu, immortality from Yamraj, the ability to spread happiness and contentment from Kuber among many others. I was the only God to have retained his powers to help the humans in Kalyug. I have always used my divine powers for the welfare of the human race.

Q – How has your stay at Earth been so far? How did the human race influence you over millions of years? A – To begin with I happened to serve Lord Ram. I set ablaze Ravan’s entire Lanka and could have single-handedly rescued Sita from his clutches. Together with Ram I fought against Ravan and rid the Earth of his evil forces. But my time on the Earth during the Kalyug has been the toughest of all. First, these humans proliferated like rats in a grain field and soon swelled up to billions in number. As a result, I was always running helter-skelter from one place to another as often several mortals called upon me for help at the same time. Even with my superpowers I could never timely help them all. Then I realized that often one human’s woes were inflicted by another human itself! Often they razed places of worship only to prove that one’s God is greater than the other’s. They must be fools! It was me only who had visited them in different forms which they had conjured up for themselves. Helping such humans was way below my dignity! Moreover, I always lost quite a big chunk of time every time I dressed up in all those different ‘Godly’ forms in order to help them. It would have been a lot more convenient for me if they had simply believed in the existence of one God.

Q – What other problems did you face on Earth during the Kalyug? A – Don’t Ask! I can write an entire epic bigger than the Mahabharat on that question alone! I had lifted an entire mountain and timely carried it all the way from Himalaya to Lanka in order to save Lakshman’s life. But such an act can never be possible in the Kalyug. First, they grounded me for not having a flying license and then demanded a huge bribe fee for getting it made. I often had to hover mid-air because they denied me permission to land citing air traffic congestion. They even levied a fuel surcharge on me! Land route wasn’t an option either because of your traffic and they asked me to pay toll every other Kilometre. And the sea route, don’t ask! They have maritime boundaries! Tell me how can you divide water?! Morons! These humans themselves made my task of helping them much harder.

Q – You have to your credit a stint in the television with Ramanand Sagar and B.R. Chopra and also as a politician in the Rajya Sabha. How was that experience? A – I decided to render my services to the small screen because I saw in it an opportunity to introduce the disillusioned youth to our traditional values. But there too the censor board threatened to pull the plug on me objecting to my scantily clad wardrobe. Somebody ask them whether Manu, the first human being wore any clothes. Or whether a newborn baby wears any clothes or perhaps they believe that the babies are fully Armani-clad from the moment they are born! Later they inducted me into the Rajya Sabha so that I could help their aam aadmi by a different approach. But there too I learned that the aam aadmi himself appoints these politicians to loot him in various ways and the politicians merely help themselves with the moolah.

Q – Why did you decide to leave the Earth? A – It had become clear to me that in this Kalyug I was faced with challenges which I had never imagined before. The human civilization was never as senseless and directionless as it is now. It is hell-bent upon heading towards its own doom. It is perhaps in the best interest of the larger good that it be allowed to be engulfed by its own perils and self-destruct. As the damage on the Earth was beyond repair, I decided to finally retire to my heavenly abode.

Q – Finally, what do you believe is the likely prognosis of this sordid saga? A – Going by the current rate at which the humans are endangering the survival of their as well as that of the other life-forms on the Earth, they shall not see the dawn of the next year.