Friday, 23rd March, 2018

A simple guide to budding journalists on how to link Modi with any news e.g. Salman Khan's conviction

10, May 2015 By manithan

This has been written by a happy journalist who has implemented this guide (to link any news with Narendra Modi) for the past two decades and enjoying the ripened output of this methodology.

Mumbai: In a heavy blow to Modi, Salman Khan has been convicted of hit & run case by a sessions court here. This has sent ripples across Modi’s circle as this judgment was passed during his rule at the centre and that Salman Khan belongs to minority. (The opening lines should contain ‘In a heavy blow to Modi’. This is a mandatory. if you do not include this, your JNU educated editor will surely reject your submission. Period.)

According to our sources, this can be possible photo of a Happy journalist who might have written this guide
According to our sources, this can be possible photo of a Happy journalist who might have written this guide

Salman Khan has convicted-ly drove his car over a group of Muslims sleeping in the footpath and killing one Muslim. This incident happened just few months later than the cruel 2002 riots which took place when Modi was Chief Minister of Gujarat. (Bring Modi and Minority in the same line somehow. It can be as lame as Modi and Minority both start with M and hence Modi oppresses Minority. Any event happening around 2002 should have 2002 as foci.)

To reveal something about the life of Khan, Salman was born 15 years, 3 months and 10 days after Modi was born. In the year when Modi was elected organising secretary of BJP’s Gujarat unit, Salman made his debut with the movie Biwi Ho To Aisi. While Modi became BJP’s national secretary, Salman was reborn as Karan to avenge his killer of previous birth. When Modi became CM of Gujarat, Salman was in the path of breakup with Amitabh Bachchan’s daughter-in-law. (Be aware of what Modi did at each specific year. If the news that you create is before 1950, then put B.M. (Before Modi). Also, note how Gujarat, BJP and Amitabh were brought into single paragraph. Always scare readers with bizarre connections that you can easily create. )

The accident wherein one person of minority religion was killed and few others injured, Salman Khan was driving in the streets of Mumbai which was under the ruling of party which faced Modi in the 2014 elections. Salman Khan’s driver Ashok Singh who missed an ‘al’ at the end, or else, we would have got the VHP leader’s name, who comes under the umbrella of RSS that is currently lobbying with the BJP government headed by Modi, even decided to take the blame instead of the actor.  (This is the pinnacle of your article. See how we arrived from Salman’s driver to Modi via the links. You should somehow bring RSS, VHP into the same line to appease secularists)

Perhaps, Salman Khan should had been honest like Kejriwal and asked for sorry, but he seems to be displaying dictatorial and autocratic mindset. Maybe, Modi might take a leaf from Kejriwal in governance. Also, if Salman Khan had walked restlessly along with the poor people and farmers like our respected, wise, charming Rahul Gandhi instead of driving that Toyota Land cruiser which was developed by Nationalist Shinzo Abe’s country which was visited by Modi during one of his frequent foreign trips, he would have not been caught in this case. Clear proof that foreign trips of Modi are going to land many charitable minorities in prison in future. (Praise Kejriwal, Rahul Gandhi and get help from King Karan N Fun and KPS in Disqus comments. Slam the foreign policies of Modi atleast once.)

Let’s see whether Supreme Court slams Salman Khan like how it used to slam Modi government in the recent times. (The ending should have you, the journo, take a higher pedestal and deliver sermons to Modi in tongue-in-cheek manner)