Tuesday, 24th April, 2018

9 Bollywood dialogues for the work place

19, Jul 2017 By arun kumar

Are you a blue eyed potential CEO candidate, or launching a startup looking for funds or someone taking baby steps towards corporate board rooms and trying to understand the dynamics of corporate decision making, don’t be surprised to face moments in the cusp of your career, where  these bollywood dialogues seem so appropriate:

1.The Thappad se darr nahi lagta sahab… Pyar se lagta haimoment: You have been the blue eyed boy so far, and have been favored out of turn for all the goodies, but off late have been facing a challenging year when the sales have headed southwards, greens have turned into reds. There has been a class action suit originating because of an incident in your region, you chair gets terribly uncomfortable, yet a organisational announcement catches you by surprise. You have been promoted out of turn and shifted to a division in the doldrums, and the division is located in timbuktu, and your peers start congratulating you with a smirk, and you put up a brave front saying “what a challenging assignment”.

2. The “Rishtey mei tou hum tumharey baap lagtey hain nam hai sehensha” moment:

Did you launch your own start up, and successfully create a business model which you are so proud of, pleasant winds are blowing and you are counted as the number two in the industry after a decade of slogging and expecting to be the numero uno.You are only Rs.one million away from the magic figure, when the pink newspapers announce that ‘Reliance’  has decided to throw its hat in the ring and enter a big way into your domain. It has earmarked an outlay ten times your market capitalisation and you feel like Prem Chopra quivering under the table in front of a roaring Big B.

3. The Ja simran jiley apni zindagimoment: Despite all the scepticism displayed by the private investors whom you have been approaching for funding, you are determined that come hell or high water you will not shut shop, and one bright morning you receive a mail from Berkshire Hathaway asking you to meet their representatives, and informing you that they have almost finalised a deal for you based on a year old presentation that you had almost forgotten about.  You can suddenly identify with Simran holding her duppatta aloft and running against the wind shouting ‘Raaaj.

4. The “Hum sab to rangmanch ki kathputliyan hain jiski dor us upar wale ke haathon main hai. Kab, kaun kahan uthega ye koi nahin janta” moment: Yes that time of the year when the organisational rejig is expected to be announced, and suddenly you start counting your options. The gossip get stronger by the day, and each fresh waft of news from the central office throws in a different prediction. You reach out to your mentor hoping to hear some soothing words, but he reminds you of this dialogue from Anand and himself starts shivering in apprehension.

5 The “Mogambo Khush hua” moment: Few years into the corporate world and you know soon, that for survival you need to rote up the jargons, latest strategies and catch phrases being bandied about. The more successful you are in weaving these words and phrases into your work projects the more successful you will be. But the challenge is that these by-lines and catchphrases change every year, and you have to be nimble enough not only to remember the latest phrases and concepts, but careful enough not to espouse a phrase which was the favorite of the previous CEO.

Of course the Mugambo Khush huaa movment is when you are addressing a gathering and realise that the almighty has arrived and you make sure that he is within hearshot, and start using the latest catch phrases which he himself opened up for adoption at the annual dinner as early as last evening, and you also notice his toothy grin of acknowledgement.

6.The “Kitney Aadmi theymoment: You are leading the bidding for the most important piece of land  for your company’s dream project. Most industry leaders are eyeing the pocket of land, which on this day seems more important than the Doklam corridor. Unconfirmed rumors announce that the govt has decided to award the land to your biggest competitor. The Board is alarmed and wants to take stock, and you are summoned overnight to report into an emergency board meeting and when you arrive the board members are already seated and the chairman is pacing round the room in a impatient ominous way as you enter the boardroom in a hurry, and the lazer pointer in his hand inadvertently centers on your forehead and a large red dot appears right where Gabbar would have shot you down. The perfect Gabbar Singh moment.

7.The “Ek chutki bhar sindhoor ki keemat tum kya jano ramesh babu” moment: The hostile bid to take over your company is raging furiously, you are almost in ruins trying to save your control, and the local politician chips in with a offer to do the necessary ‘Jugad’ in exchange for a ethical compromise you have holding  out against your entire life, you look him in the eye, and ask him to go jump in the lake.

8.The “picture abhi baki hai mere dost” moment. You are doing a fair business, and sailing under tremendous headwinds, yet the sympathies unrealistically are always favoring the consumer. A new government takes over and decides to shave the golden goose, not knowing where the eggs are coming from. Every day is new challenge, and the industry is on the brink of collapse, yet the government is so myopic that it does not realise its folly and proposes a new set of regulations and also promises that more will follow, and you have completed only a year as the CEO, and the word ‘Mitron’ makes you jump in your seat….knowing well,  that “picture abhi baki hai mere dost”

And finally to end on a positive note

9.The “Aaj mere paas gaadi hai, bungla hai, paisa hai… tumhare paas kya hai?” moment : Your competitor stole your IR, copied the colours on your brand, poached your staff, thrashed you low on pricing, set up consumers against you in false cases, is successful in jumping into the political arena and has become a cabinet minister,  been lobbying for crumbs of favors,  yet is unsuccessful in rubbishing your brand. You run into him at a civil function and he smiles at you sarcastically and reels off statistics as if saying “Aaj mere paas……..”  and you retort.

Mere pass Ethics hain, Principles hain, Brand Following hain, employee satisfaction hai, Vendor loyalty hai aur sab se zyada  MAA hai

Maa?? He asks.

Yes “Maximum Achievements & Awards (MAA) hai! you reply with pride.