Wednesday, 13th December, 2017

Top 9 requests by Desis for the free Wi-fi plan in Delhi

17, Mar 2015 By johnrj

New Delhi: As requested by the Aam Admin Party to provide suggestions regarding the free wifi plan planned for Delhi, the top choices were sent out not as the people of Delhi but as Indians as a whole to enhance their “Indian experience” over the Internet. The poll has addressed all the problems faced by Indians on a regular basis which can be conveniently solved by free wifi.

9) Allow unlimited downloads using torrents

As the common people who don’t have enough money to buy a ticket to watch movies, enough speed should be provided in every home so that appropriate unlimited movies can be downloaded via torrents to watch new movies.

Free wi-fi promise of Arvind Kejriwal
Free wi-fi promise of Arvind Kejriwal

8) Set up illegal online trading

Now we don’t need to communicate through hidden channels and safety mediums as everything is public. We can quickly organize our trading within any public place so that drugs can be offloaded with an ease. If 100KB of information is useful for transferring 1KG of drugs, then why not use it effectively!

7) Allow free porn downloads

Well of course… we need to keep ourselves excited throughout the day and what else is better than having free porn 24/7. We can watch them in the cabs, metro, cafes, restaurants and probably not bother the women around us for once.

6) Negotiate dowries over the Internet

We need the wi-fi connection to interact and decide the dowry money directly to avoid the hassle of seeing the bride/groom, going through the tedious process of getting to know each other and concentrate on what’s actually important. It will avoid traveling through the Delhi traffic and more savings on patrol.

5) Have more secular/sickular debates online

As it is with the latest trend, we can debate more on secular/sickular topics online without identifying core problems in the country and fight 24/7 over ideologies, views and traditions

4) Organize riots and moral policing online

Now that there is an easier medium to plot riots, it would give us an edge over other communities/religion and take care of any villainous act against our ever changing morals.

3) Faster connections to get offended quickly and censor them

Due to many offensive videos/songs/movies getting released in huge numbers these days, we need a quicker medium to get offended and request them to be censored immediately. A sensitivity meter can also be built around wi-fi zones to identify which areas in Delhi is currently offended the most by the anti-Indian sentiments present on the Internet.

2) Find out common places to dump garbage or urinate

As the common people require a place to dump garbage, the wi-fi network should be able to help us identify the nearest dumping area however small and smelly it is for our solid/liquid wastage to be dumped.

1) Allow reservations for Internet speed

As we have many different cultures and religions present in such a vast capital, we would want the net speed to be based on religion and caste. If any slow speed is encountered, we would require an unconditional apology from the government to the majority or the minority community over the slowness.