After many years of research, observations and experiments I have finally come to a startling conclusion that would rock the very foundations of mankind. I have found the answer for the question ‘what is WOMAN?’. Women have been in the society for ages now and virtually no one was able to find out who they really are.
But years of research has led me to a mind boggling conclusion that Women are ALIENS. I know it’s hard to believe me, but just do this simple observation. Just observe the girl sitting close by you. How different she is, how strange she acts, just observe her physical features (stop gazing below the neck, face is more than enough you dirty minds). And now think why they are so beautiful? It is with this beauty that they are able to keep the secret that they are aliens throughout the ages. We men have been too much preoccupied with their beauty that we did not figure out who they really are.
I am not the first one to discover this truth. Many sages in the past who understood this fact has tried to warn mankind about this truth in coded form. We people are more accustomed to the Davinci code. But long back there is the Valmiki code. Mr.Valmiki in his epic Ramayan gave the first clue about who women actually are. In his book, he mentioned that Ms.Sita is born out of earth. Now, how in the earth is it possible that someone be born out of earth? What he actually is trying to tell is the fact that Sita (inferring to women) is an Alien.
Unfortunately, the women found a way to cover up the whole issue. For centuries, women have been able to erase the traces where ever doubts rose of their true nature. They used different means other than their beauty to keep men distracted. One such tool used is movies. Through their puppet men like Stephen Spielberg and George Lucas, women were able to convince the mankind that aliens are very ugly, beast like creatures.
Movies like Men in Black have completely brain washed us into thinking that aliens are more like a huge cockroach or a miniature size baboon. In the movies Indiana Jones and Alien vs. Predator, it was portrayed that aliens came from outer space and taught men how to do and what to do and then left the planet. Now think carefully. Who always tell us what to do and how to do even when we know what we are supposed to do. It is women. The aliens came to the planet (not from outer space but from within the earth as per Mr.Valmiki) and are still among us in the form of women.
These aliens are so merged into our society that now we can neither live with them nor live without them. We are a bit too much dependent on them for various reasons. The various forms of these aliens exist among us are as mentioned below:
Alien Grandma: They bloody know every damn thing on this planet. From Puranas to politics, from kerosene oil to kingfisher airlines, there is no topic on which they cannot talk about. They talk as if they created everything. May be it is true. You heard the saying “Brahma – the creator”. It’s actually “Grandma – the creator”. Grandmas hold a solid grip on households. No wonder all dads, grand dads never try to mess with them, because she is the ultimate authority at home. They brainwashed us right from the childhood through various stories and food items that only they are capable of making. We somehow can never make any food item as good as they do and so we always listen without questioning their authority to get that extra bit of their handmade goodies.
Alien Mother: They are in the process of being an alien grandma. So they only know half of the things (only puranas and kerosene). They always put you in an embarrassing situation in front of your friends, by calling you by names like chintu, bittu, munna raja. I sometimes think they do it on purpose, to show you who’s the boss – ‘look kid, listen to me or else I will screw your miserable life right in front of your friends’. And she always compares you to your cousins and neighbors no matter how good you do in studies or any other activities. And we can’t do a damn about it, because they know everything (too much) about us.
Alien Sister/Daughter: These are the sweetest and the most dangerous forms of the alien kind. They can make you do literally anything with their trademarked unique and ultimate weapon – “CRY”. When they use this weapon either you screw (the one responsible for it) or you get screwed. Fathers are vulnerable to this weapon in case of daughters and brothers in case of sisters. And it is the most dangerous combination when your father’s alien daughter happens to be your alien sister. She gets everything – costly clothes, jewelry, toys, more play time, control over TV remote and somehow magically, in spite of all these she ends up scoring more than you in the exams. It’s as if she is born with an IQ of 190, which is a sure shot indication that she doesn’t belong to this planet. They have control on all your toys, books and laptops but you cannot do the reverse of it. But still we heavily depend on them during late comings to home, preparing slips for exams and copying assignments, helping out in case of her hot friends etc. On a whole, the best form the alien could ever be.
Alien Wife/Girlfriend: I am not able to analyze much of this form of alien, but from what I listen from random talks, these form of aliens are often most confused creatures on the planet. I don’t know why the aliens take this particular form as it makes no sense. No man ever listens to them or does what they want them to do. The men just act as if they listen to them or do what they want.
This, my friends, is the greatest conspiracy the world is yet to know. Hope mankind someday realizes the truth and comes out of darkness. Now that I made this secret public, Queen of England, who is the leader of alien race on this planet will soon issue an assassination order on me. And so this may very well be my farewell to this world.
To my Alien grandma: Hope I can eat your handmade goodies one more time To my Alien mother: I wish to outdo my cousin in the next life and thank you for this life To my Alien sister: If you find any movies in the C drive of my laptop in the hidden mode, delete them.