India is a big nation. No, let me rephrase that. India is a very very big nation. Giant. Humongous. Truly massive. I don’t know much, but if I were a betting man, I would say that it is 7th in the whole world, amongst all the countries in terms of total area. That’s how big it is. Truly massive. And with great size, comes a great possibility of an event that impacts the country. I mean something that that will make the dead tear open the earth, and come out in the open once again. That impactful. That being said, there have been few instances this year, 2015, the one in which we are currently living, where I am currently writing this, where you, my good readers, are reading this, that have shook the whole nation. From Kashmir to Kanyakumari. Exclude Goa. Goans were chilling out.
So, here I am, trying to determine, how big were these events, and what sort of impact they left on our beloved nation. Drumrolls please. This is going to be a tough, emotional, and very, truly massive list to read and not cry your eyes out.
1. Jon Snow dies in Game of Thrones. GoTards are rocked across the nation.
Search for the picture where he is lying there in a pool of his own blood in the last episode. Look at his face. Even in death he looks like such a sweet, trusting, innocent looking boy. And young and handsome too. GoTards all over the world were saddened by his death, but in India it was pandemonium. Mothers all over the nation were scheming on how to get him as their son-in-law for their daughters, and in few cases, for their sons as well (more on that in the next section). However, all of those plots and airy castles were destroyed as the last scenes of Game of Thrones were seen through pirated torrent videos. At first it was silence. Then tears streaming down silent faces bringing mascara down with them. And then all hell broke loose. Girls were seen giving each other a hug and taking group selfies while crying in the memory of “Dear Jon”. Guys were seen breaking their red bangles and removing the “Jon ke naam ka sindoor” from their foreheads. Temples were being constructed for the Goddess of Light, Melissandre all across the nation. It was so impactful, a day later, George Martin posted a video of him crying and confessing that he will do whatever he can to bring Jon back. *Sniff*
2. America allows Same-Sex Marriage, India celebrates monsoon through Rainbow colored DPs and is rocked by the rise in the number of people complaining of colorblindness.
United States of America crated history by being the first nation to move so many millions across India to change their Facebook, and other social media profile pictures at once. Last time such a massive scale event occurred, it was in the summer of 2014, when Narendra Modi led BJP won the elections and most of the Indians, BJP supporters and Rahul Gandhi had their timelines sporting the saffron colors. To comment on this, we have a group of young, enthusiastic guys who shall not be named, quoting, “Ye USA ne kaafi achcha kaam kiya. Insaan bana hi pyaar karne ke liye hai. Hare ek ko uski marzi ka jeevansaathi mil jaaye, isse achchi kya baat ho sakti hai.” Well said Sir, well said. By the way, why is there blood on your clothes, if I may ask? “Arre wo humari Guddo kisi aur biradari ke ladke ko pakad ke le aayi aur boli hum dono ek doosre se pyaar karte hain. Naak kata di poore khaandaan ke. Usi saale ko tod ke aa rahe hain.” I run away as fast as my bulky legs carry me.
3. Salman Khan gets convicted for murder i.e. meaning officially he will never be jailed. Bhaitards are rocked across the nation.
Just look at Bhai’s confidence in the above picture. He seems to be saying, “Beta, tumse na ho paayega!” And he proves that in the court of law as well. There seems to be nothing that can stop Bhai from being the heartthrob of millions of the country. And to be fair, it wasn’t his fault after all. Who sleeps on a footpath, goddammit? I mean, everyone is entitled to driving after drinking, that’s one of the basic human rights, especially if you are rich or famous, and definitely if you are both. Plus, he has a good physique that he needs to show in his movies. Who will do that if he is jailed? And I am not even talking about all the charity work that he has done. He has been a Saint Reincarnate after that incident. So, just chill, and whenever you see Bhai around, jaldi se selfie le lena Bhai ke saath.
4. Shahid Kapoor gets married. All females above the age of 13 are rocked.
Almost every girl right now is heartbroken. And for good reason. After all, Shahid Kapoor has broken the promise that he had made. Every single one of them had been hoping and telling everyone who would listen (and not laugh on their face), “Mera Shahid aayega!” But lo and behold, he got married to someone else. The fact that the girl can pass off as his young, baby sister is a different matter altogether. We live in the age of Jamie and Cersei Lannister after all. They aren’t related. But still, Shahid has been eternally cursed for breaking all those promises now. And that would mean, that he won’t be able to act and all his future movies will be flopping left, right and center. Oh wait…
5. India loses ODI series to Bangladesh. Every IPL lover is rocked.
“Dhoni is the worst captain ever”. “He is too old, and so are his ideas.” “Why is he still in the team?” “He plays like the game is in Jurassic era, and not the Selfie era.” “We should totally bring back Dada Ganguly. Best. Captain. Ever.”
Just a few statements that signifies how angry people are with MSD right now, and rightly so. Of course it is the fault of the captain if the players of his team are playing badly, and if the opponents are playing better cricket. He should whip the lot into submission, bind and gag them if they refuse to obey his will, and… No wait. I am going into a morally Grey area. But still, Moral of the story, the complete team should retire and one should choose the next set of team from the ICC. Internet Cricket Community, I mean, since they are undoubtedly much better performers than the ones on the field. Have you ever seen them discuss cricket on the internet? What knowledge man!
6. Floyd Mayweather outruns beats Manny Pacquiao. Every Milkha Singh and PT Usha wannabe is rocked.
There hasn’t been a better sporting contest that entire weekend. It truly lived up to the buildup of the extravaganza. It was Usain Bolt v/s Justin Gatlin, Milkha Singh v/s Abdul Khaliq, PY Usha v/s ummmm.. I don’t know. But yes, it was a great contest. And Floyd Money Mayweather decidedly proved on that day, there is not one single boxer-sprinter hybrid on the planer that can match him in the skills. And it was confirmed by the millions of fans across the nation, who even though had never seen a boxing match before, saw the interviews to the buildup, read a couple of Muhammad Ali quotes, saw the video where Mike Tyson bit off Evander Holyfield’s ear, and became the Super Saiyans of the boxing world. The fact that they were outraged at the good guy Manny losing out to the bad guy Floyd is understandable. How could he, that scheming, brilliant guy. Of course the guy with more heart and courage should win, and not the one who is better at plotting a match. Such a shame!