Sunday, 17th December, 2017

English-speaking Indian men don’t understand Chinese: Chetan Bhagat

12, Jul 2015 By Amrut Thobbi

In yet another eye-opening column, India’s best-selling author Chetan Bhagat has revealed that most English-speaking men in India don’t understand the Mandarin language.

Chetan Bhagat
Learn Mandarin

First, Bhagat educated his ignorant readers that Mandarin is the official language of China, which is one of  India’s neighbouring countries. He wrote that he made the language observation from social media. According to him most men in India who have Twitter accounts don’t know the foreign language as he has never seen them tweeting anything apart from English.

The popular author classified such men as belonging to the MIBSE (Mandarin Ignorant But Speaking English) category.

So who are these MIBSE? Bhagat in his thought-provoking article described them with three main traits:

  1. Whatever little English many Indian men know is because they read my articles regularly.
  2. Most English-speaking men are paranoid of Mandarin as they feel learning the Chinese language may prompt a cultural invasion by China and that they will be forced to eat Chinese every day.
  3. They generally avoid learning Mandarin because they feel they will have to go back to school to do so.

To hide these embarrassing characteristics, wrote Bhagat, many such English-speaking men pretend to hate the Mandarin language. Slamming the MIBSE category, the author of ‘Five Point Someone’ said these people are an embarrassment to the globalised world where people easily learn multiple languages.

But the popular writer has advice for the English-speaking Indian population. He wrote in his column:

I have only this to say to such hopeless people – smarten up and learn Mandarin. Search for a YouTube link on the internet where I have personally given an hour-long lecture on the Chinese language. If this doesn’t work out, make some female Chinese friends and seek their advice on how to speak Mandarin. When you reach a stage you feel confident about your language skills, ask them out for a date (but please do that in Mandarin :-)).  Remember nothing is impossible in life. If ordinary writers can write books these days, you can surely learn Mandarin.

(Originally published in Right to Laughter. Amrut Thobbi is an editor by profession, satirist by heart and useless as a person. You can follow him at @amrutti on Twitter or Amrut Thobbi on Facebook. He blogs here)