The General Secretary and heir apparent
The Grand Old Party of India
24 Akbar Road
Dear Rahul baba,
I beg to state that I am a subject of this blessed kingdom which has been ruled by your pa, grand pa, great-grand-pa and so on, year after year.
I am a tech- savvy, metrosexual, pseudo-secular, erudite urban intellectual who shivers at the thought of a communal man leading his country. I belong to that age group which is fondly known as ‘youngistan.’ In short, I am a perfect sample of a voter whom you target with your intellectual, earth-shattering speeches in your rallies.
Over the past few months, I have noticed that the pressure of being the ‘Yuvraj’ (not Singh) has taken a toll on your sharp oratory skills, which you had honed during your Harvard days.
Please pardon my audacity of disagreeing with you but when I was in 1st standard I learnt that mosquito bites can cause malaria; but not stomach-bugs.
Most of the Indians are too unworthy to understand your passion when you say that politics is in our shirts and pants. But that’s not their fault. 80 percent of them have their shirts drenched in sweat or pants dirtied because they have a poor state of mind called ‘poverty.’
I was really upset when people laughed at your revolutionary concept of helping the Dalits to attain escape velocity of Jupiter. But you have to understand that the kingdom’s literacy rate is too low to make sense of your technical innovations.
Lastly, I would tell you that a speech gets monotonous and extremely boring if same phrases or words are uttered again and again. Have mercy on your poor subjects who stands under a blazing sun to hear you. So, kindly stop using phrases like ‘My mother’, ‘My father’, ‘My grandfather’ repeatedly.
As a well-wisher, I warn you Rahul baba that you are contesting a man who has been using his magical oratory skills to dupe the nation for the last 11 years.
I therefore request you to kindly recruit me as your speech writer. I promise that, given a chance I will prove myself and write speeches for you which will be easily understood and applauded by the poor, illiterate subjects of this kingdom.
A sycophant of the Nehru-Gandhi family
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